Pray, Hope, Love

Change of heart

2011-12-16T17:19:00.002+08:00

20 minutes before I leave work and be united with the weekend.. why I decided to blog now?

Because, 'Change of heart' by Jodi Picoult made me..

Here's why I like reading books..

Because when you read, you forget the world, and it takes you to another place.
Because you feel what the characters feel. No more sympathy. But empathy..
Because you get to create your own images, scenery, character..
Because you get to be the heroin, with the long gorgeous eyes, beautiful eyes and perfect body
Because you find the guy of your dreams..and he happen to like you. ;)
Because when its done, it makes you think.
Because someday, I wanna write a story. A real one. A true one.

And...

I hear your voice in my head..
I see you in my dreams..
I feel you in my heart..

Could it be real?
Could it be finally happening?
Or is it just a story..
Like the others??

Maybe, Maybe not..
But two is definitely better than one!

The thing about God..

2011-12-16T13:17:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I went for confession. lol. And no, don't worry, I'm not gonna confess to you about my sins, but there was something that the priest said, that made me go like wow!! ;)

So I told him the truth.. that I feel very far from God.. Like you just lose it somewhere along the way. And sometimes you wonder, does he really exist, with all the injustice happening in the world..??

And he told me this, "What do you think made you realize that you're far from Him who created you, in the first place?!!.. or that there is a lof of crap happening here, in the world??!!" .ok, he didnt really say 'crap' ..but something like that..But that is God.. The feeling you have when you see a helpless dog on the road.. or babies in the drain..That is God.. When you feel you need to reach out to the poor and the needy.. That is God.. when you feel like writing about him..like now. That is God!! ... You don't realize it, but then God, works in mysterious ways.. Amazing aint it?! Gosh. I swear I was shivering yesterday ..I could barely speak when he was sharing to me... and something told me, its not really the air cond in church! ;)

And well, why is it that we doubt the existence of God?? ..We don't doubt our parents, do we?? ..of course we dont.. Coz we get to see, touch and feel them. But God?? Nope. And thats where Faith comes in. Faith.. to believe beyond what the eyes can see! ;)

My sister, whenever we're not pulling each other's hair and decided to act like adults told me that she never doubted God.. When you always choose to see the good in everyone, yes even the killer.. you choose to see God too. And there He exist. :) ..And sometimes He speaks through someone else too.. Yesterday he spoke to me through the priest, my sister and uncle Ramesh.

You know what Uncle Ramesh told me?? He said, in whatever you do, be it your work, your relationship, your family, your food, shopping, cleaning.. just put God first. And trust me, you will see the difference..

"Before I formed you in the womb..
I knew you through and through..
I choose you to be mine..
Before you left your mother's side,
I call to you my child..
To be my own.."

So you see, God knew you even before you were formed in your mothers womb! He knows your thoughts and actions.. He who has planned you everything, from the family you are to be born to how will you die.. everything! So if you just trust Him and leave everything in His hands, wont it be a lot more easier??! ..You'd be free, and let him handle it. All you have to do is pray, pray and never stop praying. And it will work! ;)

Ok enough of preaching! Wanna get something to eat!

Cheers!

Because its Christmas! :)

2011-12-14T12:29:00.000+08:00

Last night, when I saw "Mr.Fishy"'s comment at my pink chatbox on your right hand.. I was like.. "Awwwwhhhh!!" I really missed blogging.. I miss reading back at what I wrote, and saying, "My gosshh, Juan!! You are soo full of nonsense!!" I missed feeling the keyboard under my fingers, pretending to be a great writer, with lots of words of wisdom..lol..I miss ranting every single lame thing that somehow interest me.. from the dirt in the drain to the imaginary castles on air... hmm Whatever happen to me. And no, I still have no idea who this Mr. Fishy is, but a huge thanks to him, for that one comment that hit right in the middle! ;)

Anyway, Christmas is nearing. Shopping is yet to be done, but well, I've already done my Christmas shopping! ..And this was the fastest. I saw it. I tried it. I bought it. And wallllaaa!!! I like!! ;)

Christmas cleaning. YEAP! ..Hello, have you met my mom? The queen of cleanliness. or wait, the general manager of the universe!! No cleaning and that's it!! Its like the bomb dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Or worst. which I don't understand sometimes. I mean it is my room. Why can't I keep my things, where I want it to be?? I put my glasses on my computer table. And she explodes. Just like thatt!! Sad huh? lol. She says it has to in the spectacles cover..Which I don't see the purpose, cause I'm gonna use it anyway later. I mean for me to explode, all you need to do is well, probably break my heart. And yeap, I explode..lol.. But don't even think about trying it. Its kinda seasoned and has a brand new 'explosive-proof' suit! ;p But do you see, the degree of both situations put together to cause the explosions??! ..haiz.. moms!! ..They drive you crazy, and still, I'd be so lost without her. ;)

Lol, have to credit a bit. Incase she decides to waste her time here.. ;p ;p hehe

Christmas cookies. Erm.. Nope. Grams does it every year. Sigh. Damm memories. They drive you crazy too, But they also keep the dead alive.

Death,
You can take tomorrow and the plans we made..
You can take the music that we'll never play..
All the broken dreams.. take everything..
But you can never have yesterday..

You can take the future that we'll never know..
You can take the places that we said we would go..
All the broken dreams..take everything..
Just take it away.. but you can never have yesterday..

And, nope, those are not my words.. its a song.. I changed the subject.. sigh.. And no Johore this year. Christmas in Kajang.. woots!! Kajang, you ready to rock with the awesome-est ppl alive?! ;p ;p ;p

Wowwww.. lol. like so woooowww! ..sorry. But really, to just write out and write.. or wait, I mean type.. lol.. nothing beats it. Nothing beats the feeling to put your thoughts down on a piece of paper and pencil. err.. ish.. ok fine, keyboard and screen. lol..

Alrite, more to come.. I hope so! ;)

Cheers!

She saw him from afar..

2011-12-13T11:33:00.000+08:00

Because today I feel like writing something.. something real.

She saw him from a far..

Clothed with rare jewels..

So shinny, so polished..

Something no naked eye could cherish...

She saw him from a far...

With strong and mighty arm..

Like a knight in gold armour

Ready to slash the dragon..

She saw him from a far..

Filled with pride so high..

That mountains are shamed

And the hills are of no match..

She saw him from a far..

A pair of eyes so deep..

That no ocean could fathom..

The very power of drowning with peace..

She saw him from a far..

As beautiful as the sun that glows..

So is the smile of a kind soul..

That melts the innermost of the being..

She saw him from a far..

Just a far.. so far..

That she couldn't reach him..

She couldn't touch him..

She saw him from a far,

Asking God, how is it possible

To create someone so perfect, so flawless..

Yet to good to be true..

She saw him from a far,

A far, is what destiny holds,

In the near future perhaps,

If fate allows dreams to come true.

Taaaa daaaa!! ;))))) lol.. too cheesy rite??!! I know! ..but err.. I was just afraid, cause my words are rusting already. ;( ..sigh. anyway.. have a great day everyone!: )

Cheers! :)

Last things..

2011-12-08T16:44:00.001+08:00

You thought you'll never hear from me again, didn't you?? That I had died, burried in satin, laid on a bed of roses, sunk in a river, sent away with the words of a love song. ;) ..lol.. sorry. That song is stuck in my head..since forever. And if you read the lyrics carefully, it caries a deep meaning. ;D

Oh well, I'm at work and I'm bored. And honestly, I have no time to blog. Even if I'm did, I'm either too tired to crap..or ran out words. Yes, tell me about it. Working life sucks. I wanna go back to doing assignment!! ..;p

Anyway, lets make fill up this place here..

Last food: That spicy keropok. Forgot the name. ;(
Last drink: Water
Last song you listened : Today was a fairy tale - Taylor Swift ..lol. nope its not a fairytale.
Last song you sang out laud : If I die young ;))))) ..and no, dont even think about asking me to sing.. I'll throw up. for real! ;((
Last movie watched : ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS 3!!!! yes.. I had free complimentary tickets from astro!! ..and it was AWESOME! ..the best of 3! Go watch it! ;)))
Last article typed: Co-op report! ;(( tak habis-habis! ;(
Last work done: Scanned a wedding card and email it to my colleague
Last hairstyle done : Horse tail with crocodile clip .. wow its an animal's world!
Last clothes worn : Pink blouse, black 3/4 jeans, and black overcoat. ;) ..oh yesh! hawt as usual!! ;p ;p ;p
Last book read : Picture Perfect ~Jodi Picoult...not that bad.
Last game played : errrm.. I forgot!! ;(((
Last time you laughed : erm.. while reading this.. : "In 50 years time, when all the kids using facebook have grown old.. will it be changed to 'wrinklebook'???? hehehehe
Last time you cried : Last night..
Last person who made you cry : My sister ;(
Last person who made you laugh : erm.. Suren..
Last time you panicked : This morning, when I missed the bus! ;((
Last person who saved your day : My sister! ;)
Last person who kissed you : Saha
Last person who hugged you : Saha
Last person you texted : Suren
Last person you talked to : Kak Elly
Last person you talked to on the phone: Suren..
Last person you faught with : My sister
Last time you decided you were lifeless: NOW!! ;((((

Siiiggh.. ok done.. really. I;m planning to start a new blog.. this blog is old!! ;(( Alright then will update you whats next!!

The thing about love.

2011-11-21T13:05:00.001+08:00

You know what I like most about train rides?? ;)) ...its the part where you watch from the window.. how the train rails..literally join together and become one! ... Its even more exciting when the train goes fast.. the joining becomes very smooth! ;))

Yes of course, knowing how my mind works.. I connected it with something.... If you're thinking about L.O.V.E ..then congrats.. you know me pretty well. ;p

Hmm.. love..
Since I've been so-called secretive about my 'love' life... ceeh waahh.. As if there's so much going on in the first place. Its almost non-existent, sadly. lol..

I'm not sure if at all I am destined to find one.

But I wish too someday.

Because beneath all this insanity I experience..

I wish to stare into your eyes and get lost in it..
I wish that the spaces between my finger is filled with yours..
I wish to receive texts that gives me shivers down my spine..
I wish to walk down the street, have you by my side.. and show off to everyone.
I wish to have the stupid fights and imagine not having you in my life..
I wish to sit on the couch and have you cuddle me
I wish to have endless conversation on the phone..about nothing at all.
I wish to cry my heart out and have you hug me and say everything will be alright..
I wish to your babies someday..
I wish that this would last..

LOL!! ..ish. jiwangnyerrr.. You see what happens when you give me free time with a comp. I become a love struck dumb teen. ;(( only a tiny problem. Now if you can find me the "you" in the above poem.. my gosh.. you saved me a whole lots of other emo-ish and embarrassing moments. hehe. And yes its the "you" non-existent... lol.

But then you wanna know a secret?! ..The thing about love.. you don't go and search for it. It comes to you. When the time is right.. it comes. When you least expect it..it comes. Without a warning, it comes ;)) .. And when it hits you.. it hits you fast..and hard. And its up to you.. whether you choose to fall deeper.. or to get up from that fall. Either way.. you'll learn something. ;)

Malaysians and sex!!

2011-11-18T12:35:00.001+08:00

My goodness!!! ..Malaysia is soooo sooooooo obsessed with sex. And yes, you see I had to stress on to the "soooooooooooo" because even that is not enough to describe the obsessive-ness..;(

So what if the minister decides to have sex in a hotel with someone who is not his wife. I mean if he wants to be stupid and destroy his life..so be it. Why does the whole world wanna be part of his stupidity and trouble?? Don't we already have enough trouble?? And so what if the artist decides to show half of her body and degrade herself? Who are we to comment when we ourselves are not perfect..

"Let he who have never sinned, cast the first stone.."

And sexuality merdeka.. is somehow labelled as "free sex" ..Like for real la k. When are we gonna mature and grow up?? When are we gonna leave aside these differences and stop condemning others?! Why do we take pride it others' humiliation? Why do we feel satisfied when we see our others' who are merely human trashed and broken??

And no, I find no wrong is seksualiti merdeka. Yes, my religion does condone same sex relationship or transsexuals. But then, I realize when one is born is such way, and does not choose to be, then we have a responsibility.. not to support them. But to simply treat them as equals..and well just be with them. Friends. And trust me..that is more than enough. ;) Do they deserve the same right as us heterosexuals?? Yes, definitely. Sadly this event is banned, and the reason given is because we are accepting this culture in our society. Yes we are.. and what is so wrong in that?? Would you rather trash them aside, see them broken because of something they choose not to be.. and then watch them die? ..or would rather, be their friend, and help them through this challenge of life? ;)

Why does this bother me?? ..Because, goodness gracious! ..There are so many other more important issues that should be handled. Enough with sex!! .. Look at those babies in the drain and toilets.. look at the beggars in KL.. look at the acid splashers.. look at the teen crimes!! look at freaking KTM!! ..and I can't even walk down the road at night..because some nut case might come and rape me. They are a lot more of other important stuff..that's needs immediate attention. sigh.

So yeah. Stop it with the damm sex issues! ;(.

The unborn..

2011-11-15T14:34:00.001+08:00

Did you read the papers today? or any other day, for that matter.. ..I seriously don't know what is happening to the world..;( or to the generation. ;((

They're throwing away babies like rubbish! ;(( whyy?? howww???!! ..how can one have the heart to throw a baby!? its a baby, for God sake! A baby can bring you endless joy and yes tears.. oh my.. they can't be humans. surely can't. Perhaps in appearance. Even animals.. take care of their young.

The very first newborn baby I held was Bernadette. I wasn't allowed to stand and carry. I was already 14 years, but somehow they were afraid I might drop her down. Sigh.. Its a baby ok. I'll surely be extra extra careful!! or maybe..not! I almost tripped off my chair just now. ;((

But I still remember how she looked. Red, very red. Tiny fingers.. only long enough to wrap my smallest finger. And feet. I love tickling her feet. Eyes barely open. Nose not long enough.. And she smells like a flower. I remember her smile, or laugh. No teeth yet. Only can see her gums. It was a magical. Holding a newborn child in your hands, is like wowww!! ..And what more if its your child. It is the half you..and half the one you love. What else could be more perfect?! ..

So you made a mistake.. but why punish the baby?? ..You don't want. Give up for adoption. I would adopt him or her. I really would. Sigh.. The don't deserve to be in toilets or dumpsters with their umbilical cord still attached. ;(( and the same goes to abortion.

To all the unborn babies, or the ones who have died even before they have a chance to see the world:

Dear Lord,

I honestly, am speechless to the cruelty done in this world. Sometimes, I wonder if you truly exist. If you do, then why do you let such things happen??! ;(( Why you take away the innocent and let the evil live?? Why are parents struggling to get a child, but the rest and throwing them way like a worthless trash? Is life so cheap these days, that it equals the dirt? Where is humanity?? Why is it that there are so many cruelty in this world, and yet, nothing is done!! And then, I remember Your words..

"Before I formed you in the womb..

I knew you through and through.

I choose you to be mine..

Before you left your mother's sight..

I called to you my child..

To be my own.."

Amen!!

Rest in peace, little angels..

Those words sound very comforting.. ;) there aint no better place to be..than with You!!. Craddled in your arms, like a mother hen, protecting its chick. And lord, sometimes I wish I was one of these babes.. Because they get to escape this world, and sin and evil and cruelty and move straight into your arms. But I'm here. And yes it aint my home. ;(

"All the while You hear each desperate plea..

And longed, we'd have the faith.. to believe.."

"When darkness seems to win, we know..

The pain reminds this heart..

That this is not out home.."

To understand...or not!

2011-11-14T21:54:00.001+08:00

Yes its me again. The sad me. ;(((

Today, I panicked.. lol.. yes, when am I not in a panicked, or in a depressed state?? ..;p hehe But today was the real one. The moment I realized my touch n' go card wasn't with me. I was helpless.. so helpless.. The feeling you get ..where your whole world came tumbling down and broke into pieces!! Literally.. and you have no glue to paste it all together..and now that its all too late, you cant ever put them back..permanently and there goes your world! ;(((((

I don't make sense right?? lol.. sorry, drama effect a bit. well, I'm the last person to deal with crisis k. I know!! I'm not sure myself how am I gonna survive this world. ;(

I was frustrated, so frustrated, that I cant even smile. I tried, but my lips just wouldn't curve. And guess what song was playing on the playlist.. "Today was a fairytale.." I was like, yeaaahh why not??!! The last thing I wanted now was a fairytale! .;((

First, my colleague is making me choose between attending my grandma's 40th day prayers and also assisting in the AMP's THR Raaga's concert which both is held on the same day. Meaning, its family or work. I was in dilemma with that issue, and then when the card lost.. I went lost too. In my mind. Even the cute guy next on to me in BTS didn't manage to direct my attention..and trust me, when I say his cute. He is. ;D ..

And somehow, now, I feel well relieved.. after all the lecturing from saying about, "I-told-you-so-many-times" ..well at least, she didnt chase me out of the house..yet. ;(

Oh well, right now, I badly wanna well, talk, or chat or text someone.. But no one is available. And so I come here.

I don't understand sometimes..
I don't understand you..
I don't understand me..
I don't understand God..
I don't understand life.

But you know, sometimes, it all lies in the "trying-to-understand" part. Maybe the whole beauty lies in not understanding it. Imagine getting a gift... There's no fun if you already know what is inside it... or when your watching a movie or reading book. If you already know the ending, then might as well not watch it eh?? ..

But then again, what if the ending, is not something you want..and that your not prepared for it. What if you don't like the gift presented. What if, hmmm.. what if you just get hurt, over and over? ;(

Well, then maybe, its not really the end yet. And maybe your suppose to use that gift to get what you really want. Maybe that gift is meant to make you a better person.. And maybe, just maybe.. you were being taught the gift of gratefulness.. ;) To be thankful, that at least, today, this moment, you are still alive to receive something. ;)

Siggghhh..

And because, today, I felt like dying because of a blady touch n' go cards.. this song, carries a deep meaning. I love it!!

A penny for my thoughts..

oh no,

I'll sell them for a dollar..

They're worth so much more..

after I'm a goner..

And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'..

Funny when you're dead

how people start listenin'..

If I die young, bury me in satin..

Lay me down on a bed of roses..

Sink me in the river at dawn ..

Send me away with the words of a love song..

Because beauty is really skin deep

2011-11-14T15:09:00.001+08:00

Gooood day everyone!! :))

It's Monday. Everyone hates monday. and yes, no exception for me. I hate it too.

Boleh mati eh..work piled up like mad. My brains was about to crack any moment. And on top of that course selection was today.. making me more excited. hehe. Yes I love making my timetable and choosing my free time. ;) Well, I had too many stuffs to do and so little time And for once, the timed passed by so fast, that I didn't even realized it was lunch time already..

So anyway, since I'm kinda free now, and yes I have access to all kinds of magazines. Celebrity gossips, beauty magazines, fashions.. ;))

I was looking through HerWorld and woooww the girls are gorgeous. I mean yes, they're models. and why go so far. Even here, where I work, goodness gracious, these people know what in the world is "fashion!!" .. With shoes and make ups and hair do's. Entertainment world rocks to the core k! :D Even if the fashion is weird, somehow it makes you stop and stare! Especially the hair!! I have a confession. ;( I get really jealous when I see girls with gorgeous hair. The ones where they did not spent hundreds of dollars doing it, but well, was born with it..

And yes. the eyes. My aunt asked me last week, "How come you don't use any make up?!" ..And I replied, "Because I believe in natural beauty, " And she gave me the dont-bullshit-me-kinda-look!!. lol. So I said, "because it doesn't make any difference. Well, they can't see my eyes behind these spectacles!" .. But I like eyes. I like starring in eyes, Because it tells you so many stories. It tells you the truth. And if you stare in it too much, you might loose yourself there, and you get butterflies running all over your stomach. #truestory. ;p

"He tells me about his day, And I count the colours in his eyes.." ;p ;p ..guess what song?

Anyway, I have this weird feeling in me.. I always wondered if anyone had ever looked at me and thought, "Gee, I wish I had her hair" or "I wish I was like her.. " ...Because when I see someone gorgeous, I say that.

Well, today..I learnt something. Something that I knew long time before. But today, it hit me again, while reading HerWorld.

At the back of it, was an article that made me go like "woooowww!!" .. You don't have to spend thousands of dollars and masks to look gorgeous..because beauty is really skin deep.

"When you are truly happy, there is a kind of light that shines from within. It covers you like a blanket and makes you look really beautiful..when you are at your natural best. So don't worry about covering those lines and looking perfect. Find your happiness, live it everyday and you'll find that that's the best sort of image that you possibly hope to project." ~Azizah Jasmin Azizul (HerWorld)~

Wahhhh.. nice rite? ..So yes, the key to look gorgeous, is to find your happiness!! ..And let it shine from your eyes. ;)

Ok too much of crapping ady. Take care!!

Live from Astro AMP!!

2011-11-11T15:48:00.001+08:00

Heeeeyyy!! I'm too excited that I forgot what I wanted to say.. ;p heheeh..

Anyway, I'm here., in Astro AMP. In the publicity department. And yes, JJ and Ean is 10 feet away. And so are other radio Dj's. ;)) When I first saw them, my heart stopped beating.. I would have screamed my lungs out. But I forced myself to come back to reality. And hen I heard Ean's voice, it was like music. A deep, sexy music. ;)

There's this another guy that mesmerized me.. Tall, handsome, charming. I wonder what made him stop by my table and talk to me. I don't think I have that effect where a guy would actually stop by notice. But he did. And hopefully I don't bump into him again. Because I found out later that he was Aanantha from THR Raaga. And I suppose I looked like an idiot standing there not knowing who the hell is he, when he was messing with me. ;(

The radio is on the moment the clock hits 9am. Red FM's DJ keep on replaying the Jar of Hearts and Someone like you. What in the world is wrong? And its literally on replay on my head. ;( And yes, we listen to music while working. ;)

I forgot how to make friends. LOL.. because I'm so comfortable with my own, that when I go to the outside world, its like a new me all over again. I don't know what to say. And if I say it, would I sound weird? And if I appear to be weird, would they still be friends with me?! ..Yes I'm paranoid, just like that.

But this is it, I guess. This is the world. Where everyone thinks about making money. You know, I don't care if I'm not rich, or if I don't make that money. Because if I die tomorrow *'if I die young' was also on replay.* I swear the money will not be buried with me. ;) I think you agree too.

So here's what St Francis of Assisi says,

"It is in giving..that we receive..
It is in forgiving..that we are forgiven..
It is in dying.. that we are born to eternal life.."

You don't get it? ..lol.. neither do I. But basically it says.. in this world, its not really about you. There are others out there who needs you more that you need for yourself. ;)

And guessss what else!!! ...I was in the cafeteria with my colleague, and and and.. wootttt! Someone was being checked on!! ;p ;p They were trying to see my name on my tag, but of cause I closed it with my overcoat!! ..lol.. why?? Because its me. ;)) The kind where have no idea what she has on her mind.. and so she wants you around to unravel the mystery. My goodness. That's probably the lamest thing I;ve said.

But well, again, thats me ;)

And if Off duty! Cheers to the weekend!!

Random conversations

2011-11-06T19:59:00.000+08:00

Oiks!! ..;)).. hehe.

It's Sunday. And yes, I've been bumming at home for a week. Apparently, my internship only starts this Tuesday in Astro AMP Radio Network! ;) So if you happen to work there, we're probably gonna be stuck for the next 2 months.

So anyway, have you seen my nails lately? Its red. The kind of nails where you see on a teenager. Halfway chirping off. I fail to find my nail remover. But I got to do something before I go to work. I don't wanna be the weird intern with ugly nails around. ;(

Hmm.. I'm going to the movies in a while. So here's some random, lame conversations.

Sister: I lost my phoneeeeee!!
Mom: I lost my mother. I won't get her back.
Juan: Well, I might be losing my eyesight.
Sis and mom: ....

Mr William: I saw you in Pavilion, checking out dresses!
Juan: Err, no uncle, We were having our lecture there for photojournalism!
Mr William: But I saw you!! ..And that dress.
Juan: I didnt check out any dresses!! ..really!! ;((
Mr William: You did! ..
Juan: ....

Student: Teacher are you a girl or a woman?
Juan: Hahaha. what kind of question is that?
Student: But teacher, I really really wanna know.
Juan: I'm not really sure. I will let you know, once I found out k. ;p
Student: ....

Student: Teacher, can I have your number?
Juan: You want my number?
Student: Yes, I have two phones!
Juan: You have two phones. And how old are you again?
Student: Teacher! You don't how old I am?? 11!
Juan: ... and I wish I was still your age.

Lol.. lame I know. Ok gtg bye!

The right guy vs the right food

2011-11-03T01:31:00.000+08:00

Hello there, its 1 a.m. and I'm starving! ....Gosh, I'm starving so badly. I need food. ;( Crap! ..I badly need fooooood!!! But I'm afraid of all the tiny creatures in the kitchen. So yes.. will probably have to starve through out the night. sigh.

So anyway, errr.. okay.. I forgot what I wanted to say. lol.. oh crap. This always happens. ;(

And speaking of food, I found this in twitter, sometime back..
Everybody thinks that every girl's dream is to find the perfect guy...But honestly every girl's dream is to eat without getting fat! ... and that is so true. Spoken like a true girl.

But seriously, who would choose salad over french fries?? ..or tofu over CHOCOLATE?! .. I mean, let's face it, no matter how much we deny it.. deep down, beneath that oh-so-dear heart, we want all those mamak maggi goreng, roti canai and nasi goreng kampung. Even the smell can drive me crazy. Lol.. sorry, true born Malaysian speaking. ;) But because we fear the society and might be labelled as fat and that all guys would runaway, hence the word four letter word called "D-I-E-T" is invented.

Anyway, I was texting a friend of mine recently and he said, he wanna look good for his girl!! .. I was like, "wow!!" ..;) ..and then I remembered another friend of mine saying, "You know girls have to look good, so that their boy friends, wont go around looking for another!!" ..I was like, "oookkaayy" ..

And yes, as expected, I beg to differ, because excuse me, but beauty fades. As you grow older, the white straight teeth will fall, the black straight hair will turn grey, the smooth flawless skin will sag and well, your reflection will certainly change. And how long can we hide behind surgery's cream's and make up?? ..At our death bed, no one really cares about how we look, you know..

Well, I just lost my grandma. Trust me. I know. All I could think of my life is going to be so empty without her. And that's how much of an impact she has on me. If you have that effect on someone.. at least one. Then congratulation, you have certainly lived your life to the fullest. And daym.. I miss grams! ..;(

So back to the topic.. beauty is skin deep. Oh trust me, it is. But I do agree, the first look, is the first impression you have on someone. Like if the guy is so daymm hawtt, you obviously wanna get to know him more! ..Nothing's wrong in that. ;)

But well, when you fall.. fall for who is he. Not what he wears, or what he has or how he look likes... Because at then end of it, what matters most, is that... when you look all old, deformed and ugly, is he still going to look at you in those eyes, fall in love all over again and say, "I've never stopped loving you. You're still the most beautiful woman alive." ...

Lol, I have no idea where those words came from but well.. find for the guy with the most beautiful heart, and trust me, you will never fall out of love. ;)

Wooowww.. I wasn't intending to write on that, but not bad. I made something out of food! ..;) ..and who says crapping is bad?! ..Its gooood! ;D

Aite then! ..I shall head the bed soon! ;)

Some updates.

2011-10-31T13:30:00.001+08:00

Hello, my name is Juan Margrita Gabriel Thomas. I am 21 years, 4 months and 16 days old. That's old enough to be considered as an adult but I don't feel like it. Cause right now, I just want to go back home, crawl up in my bed, cover the sheets over my head, have my mom hug me, and cry out loud!!! .... ;(((

Seriously, I hate myself for this. when it comes to a chaotic situation, I just turned into a jelly... And I don't know which is worst, to slip off from a person's hand onto the floor or be in crumpled in their mouth into a million pieces. sigh..

And the worst part is, I feel so alone. My sis refuse to wait for me, so she left. My mom was sweet enough to call and recognize the change in my voice and asked, "Are you alright," ..Of coz its not my nature to tell, "No Ma, I feel like crying, can you lend your shoulders?" ..so I said, "Yes, I'm fine." ..so now I'm stuck here all alone.

Weird, the moment when you want someone the most, somehow everyone bails out. Or is it just me being paranoid.

And, change topic.

Anyway, currently my home is occupied by sickly people. Firstly you have me, whose voice sound like a toad, and running nose, then you have sister whose sinus just got a lot worse and she started throwing up that we all asked her, "Whose the daddy?" ..;p and then we have little bernadette whose down with chicken pox. And last night, I cuddled her and put her to sleep. Hopefully, my immune system is strong enough because i'm so not in the situation to get infected by chicken pox. honestly no. ;(

What else happened? ..hmm.. Oh yes, I had peanut butter with banana and bread today! ..yessss all three combined!!! ..And yes its deliciousssss!! ;)) Go try it! ..I think its the best breakfast I've tried it so far. Thanks to him who introduced it. ;)

And last night, my aunt told me, "Juan, please stay single. Don't get married. All man are the same. Insensitive." ..and thence the good thing about being single is that, less stress. ;)

Oh and, another thing is that, my grandma passed away on the 16th of Oct. Hence, the silence in blog. All I could think off is, "In the arms of an angel.. may you find, some comfort there.."
R.I.P, Kluang Amachi, You will always be missed.

And you wanna know another crazy thing in my life? I'm starting my internship tomorow. Yes, she's entering the working life. God bless her. Amen.

She's a dreamer

2011-10-15T17:39:00.001+08:00

Heyy.. ;) I was going through my usual blog visits.. and I realized, "wow!! I've missed pretty much.." ;(

And and... I also realized, damm I miss blogging! ..My blog posts are very sad, and very little nowadays. It can't be because I'm sad.. I blog when I'm sad. Busy?? ..But I blogged when I'm busy too.. ;( Lost the mood?? ..Yeap, I always blogged, when I have nothing to blog.. So possibly could be wrong?? ..sigh. Possible effects of cancer? .. or mental retardation? ..lol.. yeap, we stick to that. I'm ran out of ideas. ;/

So anyway, I emailed my lecturer my article for my feature writing assignment. And here's what he told me, "You are a dreamer, Juan. But I like it very much. Maybe a bit too much comment but I will let that go cos I see that your heart is in the article and that is important..."

Firstly, Yes, I admit, I am a dreamer! ..but but, how did he say that,.. how did he know? ..I can't be that transparent. You know, I always like to appear as the mysterious girl with a lot of dark secrets. Lol. Guess that would never happen, some do read me that easily. And "too much comment??" ;(( I'm afraid to ask him, what exactly he means. He's gonna think, "how exactly did this girl think she could be a writer?! ..simple English also can't be understood!" ..aikss..

And dreamer. I dream a lot. Don't ask me why. I just do. I'm not sure if its a good thing or not. Given a choice to dream or to talk.. I'll choose to dream. I don't really talk that much, you know. Erm. ok fine. I do, only with the right crowd. And Pam told me once, "Juan is in her own world again. Someday, you take me to your world ok, Juan?!" ..I laughed..

There's nothing much in my world. It's rather peaceful and serene. and oh.. beautiful. A place where I go to.. when I'm sad, happy and clueless. It's a place where there's hope.. where's there's everything I'll ever need. And that is.. at the foot of the cross.

At the foot of the cross,
Where grace and suffering meet..
You have shown me Your love..
Through the judgement You received..
And You've won my heart..

What if trials of this life.. are Your mercies in disguise

2011-10-14T00:24:00.002+08:00

Weird how God works... He puts you through storm and rain.. but before that, he prepares you. ;) He prepares you well enough to face it. He gives you your life jacket, or in some cases, he teaches you how to swim.. He gives you a boat with adequate amount of food. He sent angels. He gives you the proper equipment to repair the boat, incase the storm gets harder. And most importantly He asures you, that you are not in it alone.

You know how comforting is that? Because if it wasnt, I wouldn't be sitting here and writing this if I am alone. I wouldn't be listening to the song "blessing" over and over again. I wouldn't be able to think, "what's next?"

Last night, was one of the hardest night I've been through. But last night, was also the night, where I said, "Lord, I'm tired. Would you help me now? My hands are too small to carry all this burden. And I do not know anyone elses hand, who wants to share and take away this burden from me, besides you.."

They say, when God is everything you want.. then you have everything you need. Weird, how only in these times of struggles, we want him, We pray to him. We ask Him to do something. We want to feel him near. We always take advantage of His kindness.

But you know something else? ..He doesnt really care.;) He doesnt care if you take advantage of Him. Yes He hurts sometimes. But all He wants, is to be there for you. He wants you, to be near to him too. His love is way too much to give us lesser things. Amazing aint He?

What if Your blessing comes through raindrops..
What if Your healing comes through tears..
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what if takes to know You're near.
What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise?"

When darkness seems to win, we know.. the pain reminds this heart..
That this is not our home..

To my grandma,

2011-10-11T20:02:00.001+08:00

It's me again..:)
Yes of cause, who else can it be.. hmm

I'm not myself right now. I don't know if I will ever be. sighh..

Ever received that news where you may loose that someone very dear to you.. in just a couple of hours time.

Well I did, I never thought I would. but I did. I just stared blankly. I needed a moment, and then it happened.

I walked in that hospital..and saw her. My grandma, who is my hero, lying there helpless with a wire attached to her, breathing heavily, eyes closed. My mother broke down first. She asked me to talk to my grandma. I went nearer and said, "Amachi" ..and tears came streaming down my face. I said again, with all the courage I had, "Amachi, its me, Juan, wake up!!" ..I saw her restless. eyes closed. And suddenly her hand, grabbed mine. She held my hand for a moment. I held hers too. Her fragile hand felt so cold in mine. I cried, I begged, I called her to wake up. But she never did. Then she let go. And after that...no one ever saw her moved that much.

To my dearest Grandma..or I'll call her, "amachi" ..

I wish I had that one last chance to see you open your eyes..and look at me.
I wish I had that one last moment, to hear you call my name. No matter how laud we say your voice is. Yes, we always make fun of it, that you can replace RTM's radio.. but for, now, I just wanna listen to it every single minute.
I wish I had that chance again, where I would sit down and massage your leg.. and tell you all the stories of my life.. and you would patiently listen to it.. promising me that you would keep it a secret and not even mention it to my mom. And until now, you never once breathe a word. I didnt even have the chance to thank you. :((
I wish I had that one chance where you splash all of us with water..using the hose.. and we would pretend we are in the biggest swimming pool ever..
I wish I had that one chance again.. where we would sit and play cards endlessly and laugh till our stomach ache.. and you wouldnt mind lending us all your coins.
I wish I had that chance again, where I would fight with my sis, on who to follow you to the market at 5.30pm. And in the market, I enjoy seeing you making friends with almost every stall owner you go to.
I wish I had that chance again, where you would tell me on the phone.. what is going on in the tamil series that you were following.
I wish I had that chance..to help you cook in the kitchen.. and it will be your time to tell me stories when you were little.
I wish I had that chance again.. where you told be the secrets to cooking. Though I'll never be anywhere close to you.. ;(
I wish I had that chance again, where you patiently sewed all my dolls clothes. Who in the world had a grandma who took the time to sew her granddaughters doll's clothes??!! ..None, but me!
I wish I had that chance to taste all the delicious food where you would make us, no matter how pain your leg and hands are.. all we have to do, is just ask..and you would stay up night, making it. Be it, rojak, roti-canai.. ;( ..You wouldn't care if your sons and daughters scolded you. You just want to make your grandchildren happy!
I wished I had that chance again, where I would tell you my results, and you will be overjoyed, and give me the biggest hug ever.
I wished I had taken back everything I done to hurt you.
I just wish.. I spent more time with you. ;(

The past few days has been rough. Very rough. Kluang, is not like home without you. Without your voice. its quiet. I stare at your bed, picturing you there. I stare at your seat, at the kitchen, at all your stuff. I wake up every morning since Saturday, hoping its all a dream. You do know there's no Christmas without you.. ..Where else am I gonna find someone who does the exact fruit cake like you do? ...You know I hate fruit cake. But yours is irresistible. Who else is going to give an honest comment on how I look on Christmas?! Who else is going to give me that big hug and kiss on my check and tell me, "do well, in your studies, do disappoint your parents?"

Today, the doctor said, "She might be in a coma stage ..forever. The brain damage is irreversible." ...

Dear Lord, I used to tell you, "may Your will be done." ..But now I tell you Lord, that I just want my grandma back.. I dont know what it takes.. or how it takes. You can't take her away from me.. Yes death is certain. But Lord, its my grandma!! ... sigh.. oh well, at least could you let her know, that she is not a burden to anyone.. and that we are all waiting for her to come back. And that we love her, so very much. No one can take her place! ever! You made the lame walk.. you raise the death. Nothing is impossible for you. Take very good care of her.. please. Help us stay strong in these times of trial. To pray and never cease praying. To hope and never stop hoping.

p/s I would like that everyone for their heartwarming calls and messages. May God bless you guys.

Yes, I'd rather love just a little too much

2011-10-02T01:11:00.003+08:00

I have a weakness for songs with great lyrics and tune. I will listen to it over and over again..till my ears bleed. And ok exaggeration a bit.. but really..I will be on replay..everyday, morning, night, when I'm free.. And this song is kinda recent.. I mean I just listened just yesterday..and it was like a "WOW" at your face.. ;p

Oh crap.. here come the emo part. I'm sorry.. you have to read this.. lol.. but just a while k. bare with me! Trima Kasih!

Weird, you really really don't understand how it works.. You don't know what are the rules.. Or are there any rules.. You don't know if you're doing it right.. Or whether are you suppose to do it or not.. One minute, you're damm sure.. and the next..you're back at square one. You know shouldn't trust ..or hope..or expect anything.. Pass experience have taught you a lot..and you shouldn't feel this way.. But then, there is another thing. The part where you're only human.. and you can't help but be human. ;(

Why am I posting this?? I don't know. Maybe I made some mistakes back then. Maybe I'm making one now. Maybe I want to make one..cause I'm tired of following rules.. I'm tired of holding it back. Im just plain tired..of people telling me what I should.. and what will the ending be like. Maybe I like this feeling of pain Maybe I like to bleed once in a while. Maybe I like feeling alive.. Maybe I like putting the pieces back together once its broken.. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I;m risking it all.. And maybe I rather hurt a little too much.

Because.. sigh.. because I told you, I;m human too. ;(

So here's to "A little too much~Natasha Bedingfield~"

Sometimes it hits like a car crash

And it's to late to reverse

Sometimes you make me a better person

Sometimes you bring out the worst

Sometimes we get on like fire

Sometimes we're stubborn like rain

Just when I think it's over, over

You wave a white flag again

We follow thing we fall back in

We're always back where we begin...

Everybody hurts just a little too much

Everybody hurts but it's never enough

It's wonderful to fall

It's worth of risking all

I'd rather love just a little too much...

Sometimes we're trapped in the circle

'Til we're digging holes in the ground

We're trying, but nothing is working

But still I want you around

'Cause if I'm lost in the desert

I know somehow you'll find me

And if I drown in the oceans,

You'll be the first to rescue me...

Everybody hurts just a little too much

Everybody hurts but it's never enough

It's wonderful to fall

It's worth of risking all

I'd rather love just a little too much

Everybody hurts just a little too much

Everybody hurts but it's never enough

It's wonderful to fall

It's worth of risking all

Even if it hurts just a little too much

I'd rather love just a little too much...

And yeah.. maybe I'd rather love just a little too much. ;)

Good night everyone!

100 things you don't know about me

2011-09-29T11:24:00.001+08:00

Because I'm in UCSI library, wasting my life..so I found this on tumblr. Yes, I know at times my life is kinda lifeless..but hey, maybe there is a reason on why I stumbled on these page. So here's 100 questions ;)

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
~Belaian Jiwa, No Air, Everything(Michael Buble), Mungkin Nanti, At the beginning, Wonderful Tonight (Eric Clapton)

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
~Oprah Winfrey. ;) She's inspires me.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
~finished saying whatever she wanted to say, she'd face front. ~Haruki Murakami: Norwegian Wood~

4) What do you think about most?
~ "What if trials of this life, are Your mercies in disguise." ..erm it kinda varies according to time, but for now its that. ;)

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
~ From Jessica saying she will see me and Yamunah in a while time. ;)

6) Do you sleep with or without on?
~With or without what? If its blanket, yes. If its bolster, yes. If its pillow, yes. If its clothes, yes again! ;p

7) What's your strangest talent?
~I'll say some stuff. And everyone laugh out laud. And I'll still be wondering what in the world I said that was so funny! :s

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
~Girls, are kinda complicated. Boys are rather complicated too. ;p

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
~Erm.. once, saha wrote a poem about me. ;) Other than that. nope. ;(

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
~Air guitar? Ok I've never heard that. But guitar, just last week. ;)

11) Do you have any strange phobias?
~ erm. I'm scared of animals. Yes all animals. ALL! and blood too. and oh well, I'm afraid to speak my mind out. ;(

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
~ eehhhwww. lol. nope. and i dont wanna try either.

13) What's your religion?
~Christianity is not a religion. Rather its a relationship with God. ;)

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
~Dreaming. Trying to connect everything I see..with life.

15) Do you perfer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
~ haha. The middle name is vainity yo! Obviously in front! ;p

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
~Westlife!! ;))

17) What was the last lie you told?
~I'm not that into you. ;p

18) Do you believe in karma?
~I believe in Jesus! ;)

19) What does your screen name mean?
~Err.. my name? ..;p but well, literally it means God's gracious pearl. ;D

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
~Weakness should be..time management. ;( Strength.. erm, lol.. I think its the genuineness !;)

21) Who is your celebrity crush?
~Alex Pettyfer!! ..Hotness alert!! ;p

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
~LOL ..nope. skinny dipping is a weird, weird name. ;p

23) How do you vent your anger?
~I write. Or I scream back. ;p

24) Do you have a collection of anything?
~Yess! ..Earrings. ;)

25) Do you perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
~Erm. both i guess. But if I could meet you in person. Its the best! ;))

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
~I think I am. But at times I don't. ;(

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
~I hate the sound of drilling. I love the sound of the rain. ;D

28) What's your biggest "what if"?
~What if I trip and fall on the stair and tear my skirt! ..heheh.. no joke.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
~Erm. I do believe that evil exist. No comment about aliens. ;)

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first?Do the same with your left arm.
~Erm the air. ;)

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
~My nose is kinda block. I smell nothing. ;(

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
~Erm..I can't remember anything. I think if you go with a great company. Everything seems wonderful!! :)

33) Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
~West!! ;D

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
~That lead singer from BOYCE AVENUE!! ..;)) I'm sorry I forgot your name. ;(

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
~Well, for me life is a gift. The only way to unravel this mystery is by living it by faith.

36) Define: Art.
~Erm. I think Art is your ability to things beyond the normal eyes can. ;)

37) Do you believe in luck?
~I believe in blessings. ;)

38) What's the weather like right now?
~Its sunny! Just perfect since it has been raining almost everyday. ;)

39) What time is it?
~10.34am. Yes I know. Kinda lifeless to sit in UCSI library doing this. But I have nothing else to do. ;(

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
~hahaahahaahaha. Yes I do drive. And we dont get along that well. ;( And yeah, I crashed once. I went through the divider.! ;(((

41) What was the last book you read?
~Almost Heaven, Judith Mcnaught.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
~Ermm. At times. I like petrol. ;)

43) Do you have any nicknames?
~Have you seen my name? LOL. I do have lots of it. ;)

44) What was the last movie you saw?
~Johny English Reborn!! weeee! ;)

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
~ Erm. A broken heart. ;(

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
~Aww.. No I havent. I'm actually afraid of them. Yes, kill me. ;(

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
~ Erm. does Alex Pettyfer count? ;p

48) What's your ?
~???
49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
~Erm. I don't know. Probably, "She's hawttt!!" ;))

50) Do you believe in magic?
~I believe in miracle! ;)

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
~At times. but it fades away. because I'm made for something more than holding grudges. ;) And forgiveness is most treasured gift, one could receive.

52) What is your astrological sign?
~I dont know what the new sign says..but I'm a gemini! ;))

53) Do you save money or spend it?
~Hahaha.. I try to save it, but it always ends up getting spend. ;(

54) What's the last thing you purchased?
~3 tiny doughnuts for breakfast this morning! ;)

55) Love or lust?
~Love all the way baby!!

56) In a relationship?
~ Erm. nope. Single and very much happy. ;)

57) Are you a virgin?
~ HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.. I'm going to the next question.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
~YESSSSS! heheeheh.. I can! ;)

59) Where were you yesterday?
~In MV with Yamunah and Pinky, watching Johny English! ;))

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
~ My pink mobile is in my pocket! ;))

61) Are you wearing socks right now?
~Nope.

62) What's your favorite animal?
~ I like eagles and horses! ;)

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
~haha. Honesty, sincerity, and just be myself. ;)

64) Where is your best friend?
~One is in Sungai Petani. ;( Another is in Kajang!! ;)

65) Spit or swallow?
~Swallow. Just swallow. ;)

66) What is your heritage?
~LOL. im not quite sure. Will get back to you on this.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
~Erm, watching big bang theory, and err.. lol texting! ;p

68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
~err. I don't know. Don't care also. ;)

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
~Whatever that means, I'm going to go with. no! lol

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
~Yes, If you dont like yourself, how do you expect others to like you? ;)

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
~Help the dog, of cause. Then explain to my boss. Humanity weighs a lot more than money. There is a lot of other jobs available. But you only have one life. ;)

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live.
a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
~Nope, I dont.
b) What do you do with your remaining days?
~Spent as much with my family and friends ;)
c) Would you be afraid?
~I'd lie if I say no. So yes, I'd be afraid.

73) You can only have one of these things: trust or love.
~I think they come hand in hand. But I'd go with love. ;)

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
~Blessings! ;) They give me hope.

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
~9635 and 1012 ;)

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
~Communication!!!! And of course, tolerance, understanding and trust!

77) How can I win your heart?
~Don't break my heart and be yourself. ;)

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
~Hell yeah!! heheheeh

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
~To join my ENGLISH YOUTH COMMITTEE 2010! ;)

80) What size shoes do you where?
~Size 6! ;)

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
~Err, my name? lol.. I've never thought of it..

82) What is your favorite word?
~ hehehe. its crap! ;)

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word: heart.
~erm. A child. ;)

84) What is a saying you say a lot?
~ its not really saying its kinda of an expression.. its "HAHAHAHAHA" ;)

85) What's the last song you listened to?
~According to you ~Orianthi~

86) Basic question: what's your favorite color/colors?
~Purple! Pink! Black! ;)

87) What is your current desktop picture?
~Flowers! ;))

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
~hahahahaahah. for now, no one la. ;)

89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
~Whether have I fallen in love with you.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
~Go back to sleep. lol.. I'm dreaming. ;p

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
~Invisibility!! ..hehehe.. awesome yo!

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
~Erm. thats a tough question. But honestly, it would be the time with my highschool. ;)

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
~ lol. None. Every horrible experience is worth for it made me who i am today! ;)

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
~HAHAAHAHAHAH. errm. honestly.. when you say "sleep" I'll just past ok. ;p lol

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
~Erm. Paris I guess. They say its the city of love. ;)

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
~None I could think of. ;)

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
~I think I have. lol.

98) Ever been on a plane?
~Yeap. years back ;) with my my sis, grandma and uncle! ;)

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
~ Have you met my friend Jesus?! You should! You'll never regret. He's awesome!

100) What do you want?
A lot of things.

Waaahh. hmm. Again, if you completed reading this. then thank you! ;) But I really enjoyed doing this questions. They make you think. ; )

Ok I gtg. C ya'll later

The thing about dreams.

2011-09-28T22:53:00.002+08:00

Hey there. ;) Its been a while I suppose. ;))

And err. My fingers are itching! I mean like literally itching!! damm mosquitoes! sigh.. The thing about mosquito bites, the more you scratch, the more they itch. But you can't help it, your natural reaction is to scratch when you itch. Now what happens, when that natural reaction itself, might cause you hurt? ..hmm.. The more you try to so-call cure it, the hurt you get.

I guess its the same thing with love. You don't want it. But then you can't help it. You don't control these things. They happen. They just happen. And now that it has happen, you can try to get out of it, by not scratching it. Lol, its not possible, is it? Unintentionally, you may scratch it sooner or later. And there, your in a mess. Hmm.. but actually, there;s nothing wrong in falling. The danger happens, when you think the other party, feels the same too. ;)

Lol, wow, I still have it huh.. yeah trying to make sense of the random things in life. ;p And gosh, the house phone has been ringing non-stop! Siggh.. its because my grandma's not doing that well. My mom's getting stressed up day by day. And weird, of all the years, this is the one year where I decided to not go to back to Johore during my holidays! ;((( I remember everytime I go back to Johore, my grandma and me will have a long chat about relationships while I'll be massaging her leg. And you know, she knows more stories about me, than my mom. ;(

Oh well, He who gives, knows what is best. Its better to leave it in His hands. ;))

hmm what else. you know I realize I dream too much. A lot, that sometimes I'm afraid I might get lost in it. Like I don;t know which is real and which is a dream. In my dream, I turn into this quiet girl. So quiet that even a needle falling on the ground can be heard. I don't know whats going on around me. It scares me sometimes, cause sometimes I have this urge to run towards the moving bus or train. ;( And you have to give me a few seconds to get back to earth. You know whats worse, that I think I live more in my dream than in reality. ;(((

Waaahh.. inception mannn! .;)) So inception!! hehehe.. can pass or not?! ..;p

And by the way, I hate dreaming. Yes the dream while you're asleep. Because I get up feeling tired. So tired in my mind. I mean you're suppose to sleeping but then you let you mind to work through dreaming! Where is that fair?! ..sigghh.. And my dreams are so real..sometimes I have to check several times, where I really did it or not.. ;(

But then they say, dreams come true if you believe.. well I say, dare to dream but do what your heart tells you. If its wrong, you;ll learn from it. If its right, you'll learn from it too. ;)

Cheers!

25 questions.

2011-09-23T18:31:00.000+08:00

Gooooodd evening! ;)). I'm in such a good mood. I honestly didn't think this blog would actually attract anymore readers. But oh well, I was so overwhelmed last night, when I got quoted! Weird huh, how God works?? ..The minute you thought that there is nothing more left of you..someone comes and proves you wrong. ;)

Anyway, because I got nothing to complain about, besides maybe I had to miss my eye appointment because of daymm KTM! ..and because today, might be the day, where the faith of my eyes is decided. sigh. oh well, Will have to wait. So here's survey I came across in tumblr.

1: Who was the last person you talked to? What were you talking about?
~My mom just got home. She was complaining about darn KTM!! ;( Because its so useless, she had to take back the taxi all the way from BTS to kajang!!

2: What was the last thing you said?
~"Don't take her to the government hospital!!"..sighh.. You see, my grandma in Johore, aint doing that well. My aunt just took her to the emergency. ;((

3: Why do you like the person you like?
~I like it because they're not fake. ;)

4: Do you take the Twilight movies seriously or think they're ridiculous?
~LOL. Nope, its not ridiculous neither is it something to be taken seriously. But I like it, because it takes you away from reality for that 2 hours and you let your imaginations run wild. ;)

5: What is/are your favorite book/s?
~JODI PICOULT!! she's the best. Coming right after her is JUDITH MCNAUGHT! ;D

6: What are your top 5 most played songs on your iTunes at the moment?
~Blessings, For the first time, Angel, Broken Angel, Hallelujah, Skyscraper

7: Are you a textaholic?
~Well, I could be..with the right person.

8: Do you have any ideas for stories in your head?
~HAHAHAHAHAHA.. trust me, I wish I had..but they're just there..driving me crazy when I decide to accompany them ;(

9: Do you play any sports?
~Yes!! Before my eyes got injured, I played badminton, netball, captain ball, I used to run. Now I just walk and clean for exercise. :(

10: What are your favorite TV shows?
~BIG BANG THEORY!! ;)) then comes How I met Your Mother, Desperate Housewives, The Nanny, CSI! ;)

11: When was the last time you cried?
~Just the previous night.

12: Do you do well in school?
~Err..I didn't have no choice. Have you met my mother. She could substitute for Hitler!! ;(

13: When is your birthday?
~The middle day of the year. ;p 15th June 1990

14: What's your favorite food?
~Mom's spaghetti! Zee bestt!! ;D

15: Do you enjoy Disney movies?
~Oh yesss I do! I'm 21 and I'd die for Disney movies! ;p

16: What's your one, ultimate OTP?
~Ok I just googled that and I suggest you google it too and let me know if you came up with any answers! ;)

17: If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?
1) I wish for love to triumph over hate.
2)I wish for peace, be it friends, family or country.
3) I wish for wisdom to live in this world.

18: What's your most prized possession?
~ erm.. Right now I can't think of any. But it should be my family

19: How would you describe your personality?
~Shy. ;(

20: Do you like energy drinks?
~Ok I guess. Not to bad.

21: What song is in your head?
~BLESSINGS ~Laura Story! Its the best song I've heard so far.

22: If you were on a TV show, what would your character's problem be?
~ Erm.. Probably, knocking down everything on my way and losing everything that's precious. Oh yeah, forgetful, bad time management, and a little too much of crappings. ;p

23: What's a song that describes your mood right now?
Blessing, Blessing!! ;)

24: What's your favorite smiley face?
hahahahaah. erm I think it should be ;p

25: If you got to change your name, what would you change it to?
errr, like seriously, you're asking me this question? lol. erm Nope, I wouldnt wanna change it. I can't imagine myself being someone else.

Ok Doneeee! ;D

Sometimes you wish.

2011-09-22T00:53:00.003+08:00

Because sometimes, there aint no words that describes how you feel. ;(

Sometimes, you don't know why do the things you do..
Sometimes you don't know why you feel the things you feel..
Sometimes, you just can't seem to let go..
Sometimes, you wonder, why is it always me..
Sometimes, you wish someone actually cared..
Sometimes, you wish you weren't so fragile..
Sometimes, you wish you would have listened.
Sometimes, you wish you actually talked about it..
Sometimes, you wish they never took advantage of you.
Sometimes. you wish you weren't so foolish.
Sometimes, you wish God actually listened.
Sometimes, you wish your faith never faded.
Sometimes, you wish you were stronger..
Sometimes, you wish to be someone else..
Sometimes, you wish it is easier..

Sometimes, you wish for so many things..

And sometimes, you got to have faith that God knows best! ;)

The mechanic ;)

2011-09-19T21:36:00.000+08:00

Hey ;) Yes it's been a while. ;)

So how do you do? Fine? No fine? Life's hard, or I don't give a damm about it? ..;p lol oh well, I;m alright.. just incase you were wondering.;) But I have been thinking about death lately. Yes the same death, where you no more breathe, where you are taken somewhere, God knows where. And here's the thing. It aint me who is dying. ;((

And that's the thing that scares me the most. sigh. What would your world be like, if someone close to you is taken too fast and that you wouldn't have the chance to see them again. To hold them and hear their laughter. To even think of it, brought me to tears. sigh.

Oh well, its just me and my imagination. My brain works in a way, that no one gets it. Its like you open a car, and there are bits and pieces of everything. Now unless you're a mechanic, or someone who knows a car in and out, then you would be like, "oh ceehh, small thing only! It can be fixed!!" ..;)

Weird, I haven't really found any suitable mechanic who knows exactly what is wrong with me and is willing to fix it. Its either, they know what's wrong and that's why they leave. Or it could be they don't know what's wrong but is still trying their best..but they're getting no where. Or a mechanic who knows what's wrong but they're busy with other cars. The one true mechanic, is the one that never gives up, no matter how much nonsense you give him.

Lol, wow. did I just compare myself with a car and mechanic? Why can't I just stick with homo sapiens. err.. hehe I know why. Course its too easy. ;)

The thing about life. If its too easy, you'd be bored. But because its hard, you get to go on a roller coaster ride. You don't know whats happening next, or who you're gonna meet! ..I mean, like why watch a movie if you know what's gonna happen or how its gonna end, rite?

And these sentences give me the courage to get through the rides. ;)

What if Your blessings come through raindrops?
What if Your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless night are what it takes to know you're near?
What if trials on this life are your mercies in disguise?

Hmm..
Lord, it just occurred to me.
Could it be possible that you're my mechanic? ;))
I mean. it fits You.. perfectly. hmm.

Your will be done.

2011-09-13T23:10:00.001+08:00

Ok what is this feeling? Like seriously, its like something just sucked up everything and left you.. "blueekk!" ..sigh.. and I have this sudden need for cold chocolate. And yes chocolate indulgence. Probably its the one that can ease this uneasy-ness with in.

And and and.. ;((( I tengah emo again. lol.. but its not anything.. its just that. sigh..

Dear Lord,
I do not know what plans you have for me..
But I surrender these feeling unto Your hands..
If its meant to be..then so be it..
At least for once, I would know what its like..
To love and be loved..
If its not..then so be it too..
Just give me strength and the will to let go
.
You do know, I dislike it when you do this to me.
I assure you, I'm strong enough.
Much stronger than I can ever imagine too..
And You, should know that already. ;(
Its just..the thought of going through it..
Again and again..
Aint that nice.
But then again,
Your will be done, not mine.

Amen!! ..

Ok now I feel much better! ..
I shall go rape the refrigerator for some chocolates! ;)

Changes.

2011-09-12T16:55:00.003+08:00

Goodness gracious!!! ..its freeezziinngg in class C401 in UCSI! ..like literally! ..;((( it's like you're trapped in a fridge with no food! .. ;(( And all you can do is await the angel of the death to welcome your presence soon! ..sighhh

Like seriously, why do they have to make it soooo freaking cold! ..sigh. Thank God I brought my scarf. Or else I might loose a finger or my nose will just drop off any moment. ;(

anyway, I have about 40 minutes left. What shall we talk about? Something intelligent or should I bore you with my not-so-interesting life? ..;p

Hmm.. So yesterday was sad day. The committee got re-elected. All new faces, some old. I didn't feel anything till I was writing the names of all our old committee on the board. I'm so used to it, since I'm the secretary and know each one their spelling by heart! But it hit me like a "bang!". I was like, what if I can't get long with the new ones, what if they think I'm weird.. I mean I am weird, but the old committee didn't treat me different. Or what if I decide to jump off the building? LOL. ..ok that just came out. But I guess, at the end of it, if your heart is at the right place, if you are doing it for God, then nothing can possibly go wrong.

It didnt stop there. After that, glynn removed the old committee from being admins in FB. I felt it there again. It was like this kinda weird feeling, like something is so wrong somewhere. And you're afraid. Just so afraid. Probably because all this time, I've been the one that need help. Now that I have to help the rest, and you know sorta be like the senior, I don't know if I'm capable of that. ;(

And last night, while sending Helena away, I swear it was one of the best nights ever. I've never felt such joy, such friendship, such love, such laughter..and I know it aint replaceable. It was the perfect ending giving to a rainy day. Then it hit me. You cannot always get what you want. Sometimes you have to give way, for something else. For something that will surely make you a better and stronger a person. Because if such things never happened, you will always remain where you are from the beginning. Stagnant. Not moving forward. We need changes. Whether we like it or not, we need changes. And that is what makes life so interesting! .;)

Oh well, like Fred said, all good things must come to an end. But then it aint over. Like Glynn said, its beginning of friends. Hopefully forever.

Ok done emo-ing ;) lets talk about something interesting.

Err, my lecturer just walked in. ;)

Have I told you about him? I think's he's great. Not because he elected me as the class rep. But really, his style might be a bit boring and unorganized, but I think anyone who can make me laugh, is great. hmm, but then again, I laugh for everything. err. but he's great la..;)

Ok better stop, he started coughing already..;p

Erm, I have something else to say. But guess will have to save it later. Or maybe I won't even say it. Because sometimes there aint no words that can truly reflect on what your inner being wants to say.

But then again,

Its better to say to much, than never to say what you need to say again.

Yes, I know. I way waaayy complicated for anyone to comprehend. ;(

You don't need a guy. ;)

2011-09-10T22:27:00.001+08:00

Gosh.. this is so weird. Blogger.com changed their whole layout and I'm so extremely blurr on where in the world should I go to create a new post. Yes after clicking every possible link and button on the screen I finally ended up here! ..Alleluaia! ;)

Speaking of changes.. You know, they always say, "People change."..Honestly, I don't think so. I think the situation changes. Hence, people change to adapt to it. But in truth, they are who they were deep down. Erm. Ok I think I'm already crapping. Will stop now.

Anyway...I attended my first Saturday class today. I was lucky enough to get the car, hopefully every Saturday God will have mercy on me and let me use the car ;)And goodness gracious. IMA is ..like. sigh.. is probably the most difficult subject I'm ever going to do. Yes a lot more harder than MLE. Then again, I will be learning a lot too. ;D ..lol.. yes, you are actually, for once in your life time, witnessing Juan's eagerness is learning..;p hehhe.. but honestly, this is soo cool! ..We get to learn about video editing, audio editing, creating websites without codes, posting it to the network! ..and a lot more of other cool stuffs! ..How awesome is that?! ..;))))) And by the end of this year..woot woot.. I'd probably be no-more technology illiterate. ;)

Ok, enough of studies. But not bad, I manage a paragraph without sulking..;p

Anyway, I finally made myself say that I do not need a guy to complete my life. ;) Yes, I couldn't believe it either. So did my sister and Jacynta...these people know me in and out. Lol..I realize that there is never a point in my life where my mind and heart was totally free. Never a point where I was not in the chains of a guy. Never a point where I was happy cause I didn't have anyone permanent by my side. There is always someone. Though I was single in person, but not single inside. Everytime I meet Sam, I'll start off with, "Samm.. there's this guy.." ..lol. I don't know how many stories she's heard. Sigh. I can't help it. I fall easily. Very easily.

So last night, while chatting with a friend of mine, I realize, goodness gracious.. how dumb I was before? ..I mean, I may appear dumber, but seriously, You know what it means to be a woman? To be a woman to walk down the road, with your head held high, wrapped in confidence, armed with courage, sealed with independence, showered with tenderness, glowing with sincerity, clothed with a smile, masked with your one true self and no matter what the world says, you keep that gorgeous smile and keep on moving forward. And God, your beautiful!! So amazing. You do not need a guy to tell you that. You obviously don't need a guy to make you feel like you can't find anyone else besides him, or make you feel unwanted or even unworthy. Nope you don't need a guy to complete you. ;)

Of course, that doesn't mean you must not have a guy. Just please, don't feel down, if you don't have one. ;)I don't have one. I don't know if at all I will have one. But hey, it doesn't really matter.

Cehh wahh.. I talk only.. next post I'd probably gonna start emo-ing. But well hopefully this last. The feeling is rather amazing. ;)

To EYC 2010/2011

2011-09-08T00:48:00.001+08:00

So this is the long awaited committee post..and because I promised my dearest Amanda tonight.. hence it will be tonight then ;)

So two years ago, I don't know how and why..but I got elected as the secretary for the English youth group.. But I tell you one thing, it was all God's plan ;) Genius isn't He? It was like pieces of jigsaw puzzle from all corners.. deliberately put together to complete the picture! ;) And you know what? They fitted each other perfectly.. so perfect that the picture created was irreplaceable ;)

So let's start with the first piece ;) Ok usually I'll put up pictures of each.. but I'm extremely tired! ..;( So hopefully the words are enough to paint the picture..

Alfred Netto ;)
So Alfred.. hmm.. alfred, I thought he was funny, at first. Truth is.. he is funny. lol..ok let's get serious. Alfred was somehow chosen to be my angel..;), every time we played the "angel and mortal" game. He's sort of the party starter. If he's not there, probably the whole event will be less quieter, funner and of cause..less meaner. ;p ..But seriously, I somehow envy the friendship he has with my sister. Its like Tom and Jerry. They fight but then they click very well too. Alfred may look like a clown and he teases all the time.. but he's the kinda friend you wish you had..;)

Hmm.. ok who's next..err
Alvinn!! ;) Alvin Netto..
Hmm, I've been friends with Alvin for 2 years already. I remember that he specifically messaged me to ask aunty Helen..so that he would be placed in the same class with me while teaching catechism. hehe ;) He is the photocopy of his brother. In looks only. But totally different inside. Its like day and night. Alvin is sort of mysterious, very mysterious.. like if you want to earn his trust.. it will take a very very long time ;).. One thing's for sure..he's an awesome friend! Very caring, very affectionate ;) He's the one person who never gotten mad at me so far....rerm Except the part where he hit my eyes with the shuttle and also made me run into the tyres while go-karting. lol.. other than that, you can trust him with his life.. and he will keep it safely for you ;)

Next piece.. is
Glynn wong! ;)
Honestly, I love saying her name.. you get to go like, "GLYYYYNNNN!!" .;) but please.. please don't ever mess with her. Or trust me.. she wouldn't mind ramming you over with the car..or put an axe on your throat! ..heheheh..kidding kidding! ..But take my advice la.. just dont mess with her k ;p..Ermm..as strict as she seems.. deep down she's this sweet girl who hides her feeling with her smile ;) I stalk her tumblr a lot. hehe.. thats how I found out..;p I admire her though. Because she's a 100 times stronger than she appears to be. She is studying the same uni with me..and the same course! ;) So once, she gave me a ride back home.. and I made sure I was there on time. Glynn marah means gone k! ..;p But yes, she's very responsible, very organized. Our Ah Long ;) None can replace you glynn! ;)

OH weeee!!
Christina Abigail!
Gosh.. I've known her for ages k.. I remember the first time I got close with here was in the bus to klang! ..Lol.. we just clicked instantly. As time goes by, we went out for dates..;p and lunches..and could talk for hours. This girl can charm you with her smile and giggles..and you can just melt over and over again! She never says no and her wake up calls are AWESOME! ....But trust me, I know the things she's been through. I know it all. Lately, she aint doing that great. I just want her to know that, sometimes things get rough. But remember, it doesnt rain forever..the sun will have to come up someday ;)

Moving on
Freddie Wee!! ;)
Goodness, have you heard him laugh? He and Amanda? ..its like 45% and another 45% percent..and all the rest are only 10% ..lol..oh wait..I forgot Tracy. lol..Anyway, hmm.. The thing about Freddie is that he doesn't wear a mask. If he doesn't like you..or he's angry wit you..trust me, you will know! ..That's one thing I admire. And oh, if you are meeting him, please please go on time. He dislikes not being punctual. The whole committee always kena because of this. And oh, he is also in the music ministry. One hell of a talented guy.. Would be a great help in the choir. But oh well, God has greater plan for in with flowers! ;) hehe..and Back to his laugh. I tell you, I'm sure about 90% that the laugh was transferred from Freddie and Amanda to me k. That's why my laugh is becoming weirder day by day..;p

Since, I mentioned about Amanda..
Let's move on to Miss Amanda Quah!! ..*the crowd goes weeeeee* ..;p
Hheehehe. So manda..hm where shall i start? Her laughter? Her randomness? Her dumb blonde moments? Her prone-to-accidents? Her musical soul? or the Amanda whos an addict to One Three Hill? Lol.. trust me, I can go on and on with her. She's like Doraemon. LOL..dont know why..but I know she prefers sponge bob.. but why Doraemon.. its cause she may appear to be simple, smiley face, serene and calm. But trust me, there is a lot of interesting stuffs inside her, that you just cant missed. And that is what makes Amanda, Amanda ;)) She never fails to brighten my day..everything I look at her. just with her smile.. she quietly says, "There's hope..there's always hope!" ...You're missing out something AWESOME! ..if you didnt meet Amanda Quah Yu-LI! ;)

Next is..
SHAAAAUUNNNNNNN! ..lol.. yes SHAAAUUNN LIM!! ;)
Gosh, he is like a little brother I've always wanted. ..;p but then of cause, he always appear to be more adult-ly behaved..unlike me.. who runs around like a 5 year old craving for ice-cream. Lol..but seriously, there;s something about Shaun that makes me go, "SHHHAAAUUNN!!" ..its weird I know. Its not the same effect glynn..lol.. but different. I have to admit..I don't really know shaun..as in never really spoken with him eye to eye and ear to ear. But I think I can tell, he's a good guy. And yes, I have a very bad judgement on guys.. but this I can tell you honestly, he's not the type who goes around breaking girls heart. and oh ... he plays guitar! ;)) nothing else beats a guy who plays guitar! ..hehehe..

Next is Pamela Ann! ;)
Hmm.. Honestly, I don't click with many. Like I said, my personality is such, that I;m more introverted. Very shy in a big crowd or to someone I hardly know. But somehow Pam and me, are different. My sister and Pam could go on ages talking and talking non-stop. like NON-STOP! ..and then I found out why. Once Pam and me went for a drink after morning mass. and wow! ..like just wow k! ..We just clicked! Talk and talk for hours. Family, relationships.. everything! ..So I don't blame my sis k/ Pam is like a magnet. You try talking to her and you will know how I feel ;)

And oh vivi!! ..lol.. like Alfred called, VIVI! ;)
Ducky ;) lol.. I didnt realize it at first, but my sis somehow planted it in my mind. Vivian's a replica of a duck! ..lol.. sorry vivi. Anyway, vivian has the same effect on me..like Pam had. ;) She will go like "JUUAUAAANNN!" ..lol. I remember her voice and her pitch ;) .. We use to play badminton.. and thats how i got closer to vivian. Gosh, she loves to read! ..And so do I!! ..ehehhee.. we made a good team in taking care of the CCC's! ..weeee!! vivian!

Next is Helena!
Hmm.. helena.. She's leaving us in a few days time. siggghh. I've known her for ages. like AGES! school, catechism. I like her most for one reason. Her height of cause. lol..cause you feel like there's an angel..always watching over you kinda thing. But honestly I like her, because she respects other people secrets. You can trust her with yours..and she wouldn't breathe a word. I was like, "wow!" ..its glad to know, this kinda friend still exist. I'm gonna miss her..that she will not bumping into me in KTM already. Sigh,..but oh well, I know she'll do well, where she is. She can survive, not just because she's tall..hehe.. but because she never gives up ;)

Tracccyyy! ;)
Hmmm.. I've never had a real conversation with tracy will like last week. Where everyone ditched us all alone in the car. LOL..;p ;p ..I admire her. For her independence. If I was at her age, with these responsibilities.. sigh.. I would be double crazier than I am now. But she's not. She's a working woman, and a lawyer too be! ..;)) I learnt a lot from her. That when the storm hits, you got to keep on going. That's life ;)

And Lastly, Anne Michelle
Hmm, I don't know her that well, but I remember talking to her endlessly in the car, while going for Sky trek! ..I know her ahemm-ahemm Jeremy. Since, he's there, so I get to see her too! ..The first time I saw her I was like "Annneee!" ..and I hugged her. It was like finding a missing family member. Irreplaceable. ;)

I'm forgetting someone.. lol yes..its Christine Maryanna..;)
Err... she's erm.. she is my sister. I got nothing else to say. Okthxbye! sigh. lol. ok ok.. fine. Erm. Honestly, if you were to ask me, "who's my role model?" ..It is my sister..;) Because I'd don't know what I'd do without her. Somehow, she makes everything seem so easy, so happy, so her. ;) And I'm sure you all are aware of me and my emo-ness. She has been there through it all. She saw me crying like I never had before and the best thing is.. she didn't say anything. She just hugged me. It was more than enough. As much as she is annoying.. and I'm sure you have received random messages from me saying "I love Barney" or "I'm stupid" ..Its all her. Nevertheless, I'm not saying this because she is my sister, but because I think she is partly why we committee are so strong together. Trima Kasih.

Now that I am done, just one thing left.

Dear Lord, please bless all those I've mentioned above. Then mean a lot too me. They are one of the reason, that I am who I am today. Guide them in everything they do and lead them in Your way. May they always remember that it is Your will be done, now and forever. Let them also never forget that You will always be there through it all! ..

Please bless the new and upcoming committee. Show them your way in building your kingdom. Make they work for Your glory and only your glory. Amen
Pheewww.. that was a long post;)
Nite everyone!

So-called 50 truths! ;)

2011-09-06T00:56:00.000+08:00

Hey there.. errr.. no I'm not really in a mood to blog.. but I found this tags in one of the blogs I visited. So lets get off my mind together-gether k? ;)

Are you ready to answer these questions honestly even if it starts to get hard?

~Oh year baby! ..Bring it on! ;D

You never know what you got until you lose it? True or false?

~I doubt you will ever find a person who disagrees with that.. so yeah.. true.

Wallpaper on your phone?

~Roses! ..Everytime I look at them.. they kinda give me hope ;)

What is the last thing you drank today?

~Water!! ..the best drink on earth! ;)

Where would I have found you last night at 11pm?

~That's easy, was at Alfred's, watching "Sleepers"..damm good movie.. and eating honey stars! ;)

Who was the last person to say 'love you' to you?

~Maureen Alma! ..The sweetest human on earth! ;))

Do you care what people think of you?

~As much as I would love to disagree.. but yes, sometimes it does bothers me ;(

Do you dislike anyone at this moment in time?

~I try my best to see the good in everyone. Hating/disliking is not very healthy you know. ;(

Any up coming events you're excited about?

~Erm. So far nothing to look forward too! ;(

What's your plans for next friday?

~Friday friday. Erm oh weeeee!! no class! ;)) I'm free for dates.. anyone interested? ..;p

Ever liked someone who was married?

~Lol, nnaahhh... not my type. ;)

Have you ever eaten a live fish?

~Wooowwww... I salute those who do. And nope, I dont. Wouldnt love to try it either. ;p

Who is your last text from and what does it say?

~From James.. asking where did we go for car-racing? ..sigh. some people never give up!

Are you texting anybody?

~Nope. Not in the mood also ;(

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

~I use too.. but then I ruined it by falling for him ;(

Was it a boy or a girl to text you first today?

~It was my mom! ;)) saying Father Peter will be coming over today, and that we have to be in our best behaviors! ..lol

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone & what did you talk about?

~The last call was actually a miss call from an unknown number. Oh well, on second thought, the last person was Shin Wen. I was asking her about UCSI's scholarship! ;)

Do you curse in front of your parents?

~err.. nope. They'd probably disowned me! ;(

Who pissed you off yesterday?

~Yesterday. erm.. I forgot what happen yesterday. ;( Yes Im sad, just like that.

Does anyone hate you?

~I don't know. Does anyone out there hate me? ..Oh well, its mind over matter. I don't mind and you dont matter! ;)

Who was the last person that could tell something was wrong with you?

~No one noticed. I'm pretty good in hiding! :)

Ever cheated on someone who was cheating on you?

~I'm not in for games.

Have you ever felt replaced?

~Yeap. Most of the time. sigh..

Are you open about your feelings or closed off?

~Errr.. I think I tend to wear my heart on my sleeves.. if I want the feelings to be out. But if its too painful, I'll just carry it myself ;)

Think a lot before you fall asleep?

~Who doesnt? ;(

What were you doing at 4am?

~Sleeping ady! ..Had to get up early the next day.

Are you a jealous person?

~Yeap. But then I realized its rather immature. So I wash it away.

Do you like to sleep?

~Used too. Now I'm just..oh well.. too afraid I guess.

How many tattoos do you have?

~Tak ada yo! ..;)

How many piercings do you have?

~One on each ear. Tried more, but they closed! ..;(

Last movie you saw in theaters?

~Cars 2! ..Erm.. it was oookkaaayy!

What are you doing right now?

~This, tweet, FB ;) lifeless.. i know ;(

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

~Erm. I honestly dont know what I want. ;(

What did you do yesterday?

~Church, meeting, lunch, nap, movie, online sleep.

What are your favorite colour(s)?

~Purple, black, pink.. yes I think I'm starting to like pink ;)

How tall are you?

~You dont wanna know. Even I dont wanna know. I think I'm growing shorter day by day.

Are you happy right now?

~Trying too ;(

Are you ever paranoid when someone doesn't message you back for a while?

~That depends on who.

Why aren't you dating the last person who you texted?

~Errrr... that question is not legal la k! .. nonsense!

Do you honestly have feelings for someone at the moment?

~Errr.. I wish I didn't. But I happen to be human. So I cant help it.

Is there anything upsetting you?

~Yeap, like hello.. there are like over a zillion girls in planet earth. Why in the world was I chosen?!

Do you sing in the car?

~How not too??

Do you wear shoes in your house or take them off?

~Off la.. Malaysian eh! ;)

When you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off?

~OFFFF!! ..awesome! ;))

What do you do when something's wrong?

~OMG!!! how now?! ..;( ..*yeap the drama starts* ..;p

What did you even do today?

~Erm. Classes. thats it.

Whαt ruined your dαy todαy?

~LOL! ..errr.. its a little complicated. Or not. I just dont wanna say it! ..;(

Whαt do you heαr αt this moment?

~Air-cond and speakers!

Reαdy for winter to come?

~Yeap, been ready forever. but I dont think its coming anything soon or forever.

What αre you weαring right now?

~Pj's! ;)

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

~Yeaaahh!

Are you missing someone right now?

~I wish I didnt.

Hαve you cried this week αt αll?

~Just..

Are there some songs you cαn't listen to becαuse they remind you of someone?

~Its not that i cant listen too. Infact I listen to it again and again.

Whαt αre you doing tonight?

~Sleep. Hoping not to dream.

Wαnt someone bαck in your life?

~Nope. If its fated, then so be it. There's always a reason.

Hαs αnyone disαppointed/upset you recently?

~Yup yup!

Hαs αnyone put their αrms αround you in the pαst 5 days?

~Yesssshh! ..So many! ;))))))

Where were you αt 7:17 PM lαst night?

~Trying to upload the youth video with my sis.

Hαve you ever kissed someone that was just α friend?

~Yup! ;)

If you found out your friend wαs smoking weed, would you be disappointed?

~Yes, very very very!

Do you look people in the eye when you tαlk to them?

~Not if I tend to get lost in their eyes..

Do you get drunk every weekend?

~Err.. nope! hardly. ;)

Is the last person you texted attractive?

~Hahahaahaha.. I think everyone is attractive in their own way ;)

What are you most excited for right now?

~err.. honestly nothing.

Do you ever keep arguing when you know you're wrong?

~All the time. Daammm ego maaann! ;(

How did you get your last bruise?

~GO-KART!

What is the latest you've stayed up in the past week?

~erm.. up till 5.30am! ;)

Last time you went swimming?

~Like ages ago! ...not into swimming though.

Have you kissed someone who smokes weed?

~Thank God, no!

Do you listen to your friends when they tell you a boy or girl is bad for you?

~Yes, but I have my own opinion as well ;)

Do you like lightning?

~No, they make everything seem so scary.

How many people do you know of name Adam?

~errm.. none that I know off..

Is your current hair colour mostly your natural hair colour?

~Yup it is! ..All the redness faded. Now its charcoal black!

What’s on your bedroom floor right now?

~The floor mat. err.. my mom doesnt like things on the floor hehe..

Would you rather be mad or sad?

~Why would you ask such question? lol.. mad i guess.

Are your parents strict?

~Ok ok la.. pretty balanced ;)

What’s something that someone can do that really bothers you?

~Erm. Fakeness!

Did you ever want to change your name when you were younger?

~HAHAHA.. all the time. have you seen my name? But once I found out it carries the meaning of "God's gracious pearl.." ..I loved it! ;)

What are you freakishly obsessed with?

~Errr.. food? ..lol

Are you named after a family member?

~Nope..its original. bet you cant find anyone with my name. ;)

Last restaurant you went to?

~YIP SHENG! ..love chinese! :)

What does your phone do when it receives a new text?

~err..the message tone? ..like seriously? you're asking this? lol

Who is the next person you will kiss?

~I don;t know.. it just happens.

Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?

~I dont think i have ever passed out! hehe

Ever kissed in the rain?

~sadly no!

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

~Yes. very well.

Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it?

~Lol..I doubt..

Where will you be 2 hours from now?

~Asslleeeppp!!

Do you want things to change right now?

~Yes. so badly!

Do you laugh?

~so much..that they say my laugh is getting weirder day by day.

Does your latest ex piss you off?

~Nope, not anymore ;)

Is your life the same as it was a year ago?

~Oh crap. You just reminded me. Yes it is the same.

Who's in the room with you?

~The sister and the cousin.

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?

~err.. that they like me and stop messing around?

Have you kissed the same person more than 20 times in 2010?

~Bernadette!

Were you happy last October?

~Nope. not happy. I remember very well.

Was '09 a good year for you?

~Definitely not. Gosh. I'm a sad child.

Who was your first text message from for the new year?

~wth.. who remembers?

Do you look decent when you wake up?

~Erm.. is sexy decent? ..;p

If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard could you still type?

~lol.. i dont know.. weird questions.

Does the feeling of christmas time make you happy?

~YESSSHHH!

Do you wear more t-shirts or dressy shirts?

~errm.. a balance of both i think.

Ever kissed someone whose name starts with a 'T'?

~err.. nope.

Does it matter if your bf/gf smokes?

~It kinda does.

Have you ever had your heart broken?

~What you think? ;)

Do you have any weird inside jokes?

~More like lame ones. ;)

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?

~Err.. I punched my sis once. The feeling never returned since then.

Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?

~They have that? ..awwwhh would love to try! :)

Your ex calls you to tell you they hate you, what would you say?

~God bless you always! ;)

Would you rather kiss the last person you kissed or the second last? ....

~HUH?

Have you ever kissed someone with braces?

~errr..nope.

Should gay couples be allowed to adopt?

~erm. I havent really thought about that.

Should they be allowed to marry?

~Or this too.

Do you want to get married?

~Someday.

Do you eat breakfast daily?

~Sometimes.

How old do you think you'll be when you have kids?

~Err.. early 30's or late 20's? ;)

Have you ever liked someone older than you?

~Yeapp ;)

Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you?

~hahaha..naahh.. but if you ask me to write it out, i can! ;)

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?

~Can't.. I feel naked .;p

Where's the last place you went besides your house?

~UCSI University.

Are your eyes the same colour as your dad's?

~Nope..mine is dark brown. his is sligthly grey-ish

Do you have to sleep with a television on?

~Nope..jimat electricity k!

What were you doing 12AM last night?

~On the way back home.

Has anyone ever sang to you?

~erm.. not really.. but my date played the guitar for me on stage! ..;)))

Does it make you mad when people stare at you?

~Err..not really.. why waste energy? Just enjoy the attention ;)

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?

~Yess.. regretted every second of it.

Do you wear your hood on your hoodie?

~Err..i wear a hood. whats a hood on your hoodie? ..weird.

Are you the youngest person living in your house?

~I used to be. Then my cousins arrived.. I got replaced ;)

Gummy bears or gummy worms?

~Gummy bears!!! ;))

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now?

~Yesh. ;((

Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to be with you forever?

~Yes. it was magical. but then they took it back..and im back to square one.

Would you rather get rid of autumn or spring?

~Errr.. I kinda have something for autumn. I dont know why. But I wouldnt get rid of any.. ;)

OMG! ..I don't know why I started this. I'm just glad its over. I salute, if you finish reading it till the end. And please dont mind my emo-ness. It happens. Just give me some time. I'll be back to rock your world!

P/S Freddie and Amanda.. please be patient for the committee post ya.. I have to be in the right state of mind! :) heheh

To let go or to hold on?

2011-09-05T11:19:00.001+08:00

Honestly, I don't know how life works. ;(

When you're late, everything else is delayed.

But when you're early, everything else is some how early too.

When your dead tired and sleepy, you tend to fall asleep at random places.

But when your at home, on your bed, you toss and turn hoping you could sleep.

When you want so badly to talk to your mom, she somehow turns a deaf ear and contines nagging

But when you just want to be alone, there she is..wanting to give you everything.

When you wish to buy that very something that caught your eyes, your wallet is empty.

But when your wallet is filled with cash, you don't know what to use it for.

When you know you did well for that test, somehow your grades will be very low.

But when you don't bother to study, somehow the grades are the highest.

When you've been good all your life, no one notices..

But when you choose to do something bad, just for that one time..someone notices.

When you wish for the rain to come and take away the warm and stuffy weather, it doesnt.

But when you wish for the rain to go away, together with the coldness..it doesnt as well.

When you think he is into you..honestly, he is not.

But when you're ready to enjoy your single life, someone comes and spoils it up.

When you wish for someone to give up on you..they don't.

But when you wish for someone else to not give up, they do.
When you want something, you can't have it.
But when you don't want it, it will somehow appear right there, in front of your eyes.
When you think you had it all, something comes in and screw it up.
But when you don't have it all, somehow, things remain the same.
When your filled with questions, you don't get any anwers.
But when you're through with life, something proves you wrong.

Seriously, who can ever fathom the irony of life? It's so mysterious, that sometimes..hmm sometimes you're just so through with it and cling on to "whatever happens..happens! Whatever will be.. will be.."

You are through expecting, hoping, dreaming and wishing. You surrender all of your feeling. And let life be as it is. Oh well, I;ve never tried it before. But then, picture yourself hanging on to a railing or a rope 100m above ground. Isn't it harder to hold on to it than to let yourself fall freely? Yes you may hit the ground and die, but hey, at least you suffer no more by letting go the pain of holding on ;) And guess what, because you have a God that is always willing to catch you, wherver you go, you might survive it ;))

You never know who you'll meet ;)

2011-09-04T15:18:00.002+08:00

And this is a sad me writing. This 'me' is sad, because classes are back to normal tomorrow. And please bare with me for the next fews sentence!! .."I DON'TTTTTTTT WWAANNTTTTT! ..*sobs, sobs sobs* ..I really really really really dont wanna go back to uni! ..;(((((((... AAARRGGHHHH ..TAK NAK! ..PU YAO!! VENDA!!! ...DONT WANT!!! DONT WANT!!! DONT WANT!!! ;((((((

siiiiiiggghhhhhh

Ok now that I'm done crying myself out laud, lets get back to earth. I'm really not done having fun. Honestly, the past week has been heavenly. Too much laughter, too much food, too much love.. too much fuunnnn!! sigh. Oh well, but of cause, even if hell freezes, tomorrow is still going to come. And dear tomorrow, please be nice to me. ;)

So anyway, I've been wanting to tell you this story for ages ;) Ok not ages, just since Friday. ;))

So Friday, I got up, no-so-early and spent the time in the kitchen. I baked! ;) ..Oh yes, it was oh-so-awesome ;p ;p .. except for a few people who dislike chocolate! ..sigh.. sad-case. So anyway, after baking, I had to feed Bernadette. And the only way to get her to eat is to distract her by telling stories. Unfortunately this time she begged for ghost story. So I told one, and she ended up asking me, "But I want a ghost story!!" ..Yes apparently, I failed completely in story-telling ;(

So after that, I had to rush to fetch my mom from station and then go for my eye appointment. I didn't have time to shower and change. So I just grabbed the keys and purse and took off to the station.

When we reached the clinic, my mom and I patiently waited for my turn.

When it was, I wished my usual doctor, "Good evening!" ;))) ..And he asked a few question and suddenly said, "This girl is diagnosed with traumatic glaucoma. She got hit by the shuttle cock while playing badminton!" ...I was like, who in the world is my doctor talking too??

Then when I turned to my right.. omg.. I saw the most gorgeous thing on earth! ..siggghh. It was breathtaking, totally magnificent. Almost eyes-popping and jaw-dropping. I had weak knees instantly and had to remind myself to breathe again. lol.. ok I'm exaggerating..;p oh well you know me...hehe.. Anyway, it was actually this cute trainy eye doc!! and yeap he was hhhaaawwtt!

But of cause, ..all the days of my life, I had to choose that day to bake cake, with my stained over-sized t-shirt while feeding bernadette, my hair tucked up in a bun ..and not forgetting the glasses that I had to meet this guy who melts your heart with a smile. Gosh.. I wanted to bury myself ok.

Then the doc checked my eyes..and continue explaining to the trainy about my eyes. But of cause, my doctor decided to ask me the last question he should have asked, in the presence of a matured-looking hawty.. He asked me, "So are you on break? When are you starting classes?!" ..Great. Just great. Now the trainy must be thinking I'm still a desperate school child want to be a mom, noticing my attire! ;(( ..He can't possibly think I'm older, because I don't look my age. The last time one guessed my age, they said I was sitting for PMR! ..ggrrrr!! No, its my height k, please.. its just me! ;(

So the moral of the story is, always look presentable wherever you go. You may never know who you meet. The random guy you meet in KTM or the market, might be your soulmate.. ;p ;p

And by the way.. did you check out my latest FB pic? ..lol.. I know! ...I'm so awesome rite?.. and I'm always surrounded by awesome people who make me do things, never thought I would or I could ! ..Awesome yo! ..;p ;p

Have a nice day people. We might meet again tonite.

P/s, Next post is dedicated to my committee members! .;)

Dear Lord

2011-09-02T01:35:00.000+08:00

Hello, its me again.

I dont know why am I here at 1.20am..
Bt my cousin just called me to say her bedtime prayer with her..
I guess I shall say mine too ;)

Dear Lord,
I just wanna thank you, for this awesome day. Thank you for everyone around it. Thank you for awesome never-ending food!! ..Thank you for my dear cousins who made realize that there is more to life.. ;)

I just have one thing.. erm. You know what is it. So I will leave it in your hands. Just please, show me what to do. I can't decide on my own. Do guard this heart of mine. It has been through a lot. Nevertheless, may Your will be done. Not mine!

Oh and I have my eye check up tomorrow! ..Please pleasee let it be a good news! And do bless everyone around me! ..
Amen!

I wish I was kid again.

2011-08-29T22:56:00.000+08:00

Ok, I don't understand how exactly my heart works.. I mean like..it never learned its lesson. Sad,.. You tried everything ..from building walls to electrocuting..but nope, it never listens. Never. sigh.

Anyway, I practically spent the whole day with my cousin, Bernadette! ..And gosh, the things you could learn from her, is amazing. I bathe her, fed her, watched cartoon with her, sang with her, took her to choir practice where she made me proud by not running around church, like she used to ;). Changed her clothes from uncomfortable to a dress that says, "Don't worry, stay cool!". Taught her how to spell "princess" ..as "Princeness!" ..sigghh..it kinda slipped my mind and Chris asked me to go back kindergarten. ;(( And now, she's begging me to play hide and seek with her.

Its wonderful huh? being a kid? You got no worries. No expectations. No dissapointments. The hurt lasts for a second until they get an ice-cream. No hard decisions to make except to pick the colour of a crayon. No clothes to choose, well as long as its not warm or pokey. ;p No tears, except when you missed your favorite cartoon! No pain except for a scratched knee. Who cares about boys? As long as I'm concerned, they're the same! ..;p And you find joy in the simplest thing on earth, like seeing a rainbow. ;)

But of cause, life doesnt work that way. We grow. We want to grow so badly that when we reach that age we wonder, "Why did I ask to grow? I wish I was a kid again!"

But hey, its not that bad being an adult. You get to screw up life and then start it back again, even more confident, stronger and full of hope.

For the first time

2011-08-28T00:45:00.000+08:00

I'm dead tired to blog. So I'm just gonna say whats on my mind..

Trying to make it work..
But man, these times are hard..

But we're gonna start by..
Drinking on cheap bottles of wine..
Sit, talking up all night..
Doing things, we haven't for a while..
We're smiling but we're close to tears..
Even after all these years..
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting..
For the first time..

Oh these times are hard..
they're making us crazy..
Don't give up on me.. baby

Fireworks!

2011-08-26T18:09:00.002+08:00

Ok does anyone of you guys know some nice, awesome songs??! I'm bored with my playlist! ;( ...I tried bugging jacynta's life last night..but she was buzy watching Koffee with Karan!! ssiigghh..

Hold on to the songs first. I got to tell you some thing. My mom is probably the most amazing woman in the whole word..but she can be very very ridiculous at times. She'll be away for the next 3 days, she printed out the schedule for us! ..;(!! oh yes..the schedule where whos in charge of clothes, cleaning and food! she does that all the time she goes away. And according to that schedule, I'm incharge of dinner for 2 days! ..Oh God bless, the family! ..But I wonder if all the other moms are obsessed with cleanliness and all that 'you-must-do-it-because-you're-a-girl' things!

Its rather sexist! ..don;t you think?! If I were a boy.. *starts singing beyonce's song-even just for a day, I rolled out of bed in the morning, and put on what I wanted and go..* hehehe..ok ..back to track. Like seriously, If I were a boy, I;m sure my name would be scratched off from that schedule! ..Ish..but then I don't have a brother to proove I;m correct. But like duuhh.. which 21 year old boy, would agree to take all the dry clothes and fold them neatly? ..hehehe.. oh maybe, I could be wrong. but this world is still sexist! ..;((

Anyway, I'll be away tonite. Probably having the sleepless and fun night ever! ..So to fill the empty-ness of my blog..I shall post this song. Its kinda old but gosh..I love it! Everytime I hid the karaoke, its not to be missed! ;))

Fireworks ~Katy Pery~

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag

Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin

Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?

Do you ever feel already buried deep?

Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there's still a chance for you

'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, oh

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go, oh

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space

You're original, cannot be replaced

If you only knew what the future holds

After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed

So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow

And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine

Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, oh

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go, oh

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

It's always been inside of you, you, you

And now it's time to let it through

'Cause baby you're a firework

Come on, show 'em what you're worth

Make 'em go, oh

As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework

Come on, let your colors burst

Make 'em go, oh

You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Boom, boom, boom

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Yes I know. A bit too old! hehehe..but awesome rite? Cool lyrics too! ..Ok I;m out!
Cheerts! ;)

Only one story, I promise! ;)

2011-08-26T00:35:00.001+08:00

Ahheeemm aheemm!! Today, I'm not gonna tell you so many stories. Although I know your dying to hear them.. ;p But I finally found my bluetooth toggle..and could transfer some of my, "not-so-nice-but-meaningful" pics to the pc. So yes, be prepared to see the most gorgeous persons in the world. ;p ;p

Oh wait before moving on any further, I must at least tell you one story. hehe. sorry I can't help it. Just one I promise! :)

So last night, I received a lunch date from alma! ..And I was the happiest child on earth. Oh well, nothing beats a lovely lunch with your close friend. ;)

So she fetched me after work..and I swear my heart came out everytime she hit the break. That's how reckless her driving is.. or maybe its just me. lol.. so anyway.. we talked and talked all the way to Nilai to our fine dining. And when the food was served.. Its like I died and went to heaven. It was so delicious that I wouldnt mind eating it everyday. Ok, scratch that, I don;t wanna die so fast. I have this wild dream of having lotsa great great grandchildren! ;))))

Speaking of great great grandchildren, guess what I told my mom yesterday?!! ;))) ..oh crrappp.. I promise you only one story today rite? sssiighh..oh never mind..another day aite? Don;t worry, I got back my blogging mood.. so you might be getting bored with me..even more ;p

So here are the deserts. Apparently, one of the cake broke..so not so cantik d..;( and forgive me for the quality of my camera phone ;((

So we had chocolate moist cake, carrot cheese cake, coffee cheese oreo cake, apple pie, fruit tart and pavlova!! ;))))))) tasted like heaven! ;)

And this is my little cousin, bernadette.. it was taken last year.. she was 6, and she begged me to colour with her at 11pm..;)) You see the cute face? How to say no??

And is what I coloured!! ..heheh.. I know damm nice right?? ;p ;p

Because I babysitted her that day..so she wrote me this note!! ..weeeeeeee!! hehehe..and she spelled my name correctly! :)

These are roses.;) Somehow they make me tear. lol..sorry I only promise you one story. Anyway they were given to my sister by saha for valentines! ;)

This one I did!! ...weeeeeeeee! hehe.. yes I did everything. The cutting, pasting, glittering! ..I was in charge of deco for Internation women's day! ;))

Yeap, that's me, with my sister ironing my hair for Easter. It didnt make any difference, since my hair was already half straight! ;(( Oh We always have our own mini beauty saloon for these ocasions.

And there, I finally uploaded that age old pic. Hehehe.. its because gosh, did you notice how gorgeous my hair is? hehehe..*perasan moment* ..but seriously, its always when something is wrong with your face, or day, that your hair is soo perfect. But no point, I doubt anyone noticed it.

They were buzy starring, "Goshh, poor girl ...wonder what happen to here eyes." ;((

This one..because.. daamm I miss my eyes!! ..siigghh

Ok thats it!! ...See I kept my promise.. One one story! heheh..
Have a nice day!

Dating a girl? ;p

2011-08-24T23:03:00.001+08:00

Weird whenever I see the words "compose" at the left side of my blogging post..I always think of music.. like ceeehh waahh.. some big time composer! ..hehe.. hmm someday la k.. someday I'm gonna write this beautiful lyrics..with an awesome melody..that's gonna make the whole word silence for a while.. and yes.. someday! ;))

Speaking of music. I'm having that daymm feeling again.. you know.. where you skip every song on your playlist and go to the songs, "My Valentine" , "If your not the one", "Hero", "Beauty and the beast", "our song", "a whole new world" to be played.. and then you start back your nonsense of building castles in the air! Smilling at practically everything..siggh.. no that aint good. The last time that happen..or wait.. everytime that happens ...I will end up on top of the roof, hoping to throw my self down. Or wait. Not roof.. Roof is too low..I will end up breaking my bones.. So let me rephrase. I will end up on the clift, tied to the end of thread.. yes..looking up to heaven saying, "Lord, you shouldn't have let me listen to those songs!" ..hmmm..it wouldnt hurt that much..compared to the roof..;p

Ok, enough of my weird imaginations. Let me tell you what happen during dinner.. It was suppose to be me and mom.. but of cause.. dad got a bit jealous and said, "Why can't join?? She's my daughter too.." ..I just laughed out laud.

So immediately, my mom started.. "Juan, tell me about your 'boyfriends' and everything.." ..Again I laughed..and looked at my dad. And mom stared at my dad and said, "You should have just eaten elsewhere.. see now she wont say anything!" ..LOL oh yes.. my family is unique.. just like that..

So I told my mom a bit. A bit of here and there..and then according to her, my aunt called her and told there's this 30 year old catholic guy looking for a girl to date. After that, my mom told me something that I do not know if should laugh myself out laud or cry myself to death! ..lol.. she said, "when aunty rose asked me that question.. the only thing that came to my mind..was you, Juann!!" ... and i went like, "MAAAAA!!" ..

Siggghh... now you tell me.. cry because, I dont wanna end up marry some age old dude..cause no one wants me.. or laugh..because my mom is probably the cutest ever. sighh

And guess what?? My sims in facebook.. is dating my school mate, su yen. Yeap she;s a girl.. sigh.. I remember Amanda telling me and Christina the other.. "If only the Catholic church allows.. I surely would have dated a girl maann! ..Its so much easier!" ..lol..somewhat agree la k. ;p

Oh my, did I just agree to dating a girl??

Well, I guess I;m back to my crapping business again! ;D

Toodles!

Everyone wears a mask

2011-08-24T01:11:00.002+08:00

hey there ;)

Yes its me again.. 2 posts in a day. Weird.. it wasnt that surprising before. But now..lol considering the fact that I hardly blog. hmm..it is something I guess..

By the way.. I read my first 5 posts when I started blogging.. gosh!! It was like the lame-est thing ever. I was so very hyper..I barely knew half of what I was writing.. But not bad..I wasn't as lazy I am now. I barely blog nowadays.. hmm its not lazy..its just I dont know. I just lost it I guess.. ;(

So anyway..my mom kinda sent me this long e-mail. Like wow technology huh?? and yes we do live in the same house hehe.. It was sweet but a ermm.."she-wants-it-her-way-kinda-thing!".. And she says.. I'm too secretive! ;((( ..its not that.. its just siiiggghh.. its complicated ;( ...so tomorrow.. I kinda have this dinner date with her. I think I know what she wants to talk about. lol...

Anyway.. err.. I feel its not me blogging eh! ..I dont know.. when I read back what I wrote.. its dead bored! ;( .. Yes I used to be this hyper, crazy, lame girl..who blogs non-stop. Where is she? All I see is this dull, sad, fake lady.. silently praying no one notices her existence.

So I have come to this conclusion..that everyone wears a mask.. Here's why I think so:

You wear a mask so that your mom.. doesnt know the nasty things you did ..;)
You wear a mask.. so that your boss.. will not find out that you hate him..and cont paying you.
You wear a mask..so that your crush..will remain with you..and find you interesting..
You wear a mask.. so that the world..will stop asking you so many questions..
You wear a mask.. to hide the broken-ness inside.. and convince yourself that you are strong enough to face the storm.
You wear a mask.. so that the world will like you..for who they want you to be..not who you are..
You wear a mask.. to cover up the hatred and anger that is rising within you.
You wear a mask.. so that they will fall into the trap you set..and then claim your prize.
You wear a mask.. because according to you.. you cannot live without it.

And yes, I wear a mask too ;)

And no.. its not make up..

I wear a mask when you ask me, "How are you?" ..I reply.. "I'm fine thanks.."

I wear a mask if you ask me.. "Is there something bothering you?" ..I reply.. "No, I'm fine.. really" ..

I wear a mask..with this world's most sweetest smile of mine..;p because if I don't..you may witness the unpleasant sight of scars and bruises..

One thing's for sure.. I'm not wearing a mask now.

It aint perfect, but its enough

2011-08-23T16:45:00.001+08:00

I remember years ago..
Someone told me..I should take..
Caution when it comes to love..
I did..

You were strong and I was not..
My illusion, my mistake..
I was careless..
I forgot..
I did..

Ok that was just random.. because it was on the playlist. Nothing got to do with emo-ing or what k! ;))

Hmm.. I'm just here, because I have no where else to go! ;(

I'm done with everything. Everything that is possible to take away my boredom! ;( I have read every book I owned... Vivian and Amanda..were suppose to pass me some books this week.. but I guess, it is fated that I have to bore myself to death for this holidays..hehe oh well I'm done with watching Desperate Housewives, till season 6. I'm also hunting for season 7! ..Anyone out there kind enough to borrow this lonely soul a piece of entertainment.. I will be grateful forever ;))

Hmm what else. Oh yeah.. since I'm not allowed to do what so ever exercise until my eyes is completely healed, so I decided to do house chores. ;D If that means sweeping, mopping, cleaning, washing.. then congratulations. You know your words well..;p ;p But if that means cooking, nope! ..You're wrong! ..As much as I would love to cook, my dearest mom still doesn't trust me! ;( siighhh so yes. house chores is the substitution for exercising. And am I losing weight? lol.. I'm not sure. I see in the mirror..the same girl with chubby cheeks.. and plump fingers.. ;(

Ok enough about my beauty..;p I saw some of them filtering friends in Facebook. So yes, I followed their footsteps and did the same! ;D Felt a little mean doing so, oh well..it will have to happen sooner or later.. ;) and Yes I deleted the ones I have no idea off.. Kept the ones I still have no idea but was breathtakingly HAAWWTT! ;)) ..And the rest, are simply my friends ;)

You know, I have a lot to blog actually. Like a lot. I am also in the mood. But I can't find the right words. ;(
Oh well, but I'm sure of thing.. when the words come out, they aint gonna be as pleasant as it will always be. siggghh..

You know what I learned, besides all this complications??

I learned the same thing everytime I hit the ground, and fall to my knees. Everytime I cry out my lungs..cursing life what it has done to me. Everytime, I look up and say, "that's it!! Lord, I give up!!" ....and something comes right in..and fix it all. It aint perfect..but its sure is enough to get me up to my feet, stand up and live ;)

"How wide..
How deep..
How great..
Is Your love for me.."

p/s Lord, I'm amazed by you..and how you love me

Her conscience makes sense ;)

2011-08-23T03:15:00.001+08:00

Siggghh.. its those one of the days.. where I dug my own grave..willingly..;( So if you knew me well.. here's what I do..to make myself feel better.. ;)

Juan: Siiiggghhh... ;(((
Conscience: So why you sighing.. you knew pretty well it was going to end up this way..
Juan: Yes, I knoww.. oh well, I thought..maybe, just maybe.. this time it would be different. ;(
Conscience: And you tell yourself that all the time.. and still, here you are again..
Juan: But why?? Just why me?? What in the world did I do.. I'm like ...sigghh.. oh nevermind.
Conscience: No.. what is it you wanna say.. Its better to say it..than to keep it all inside.
Juan: Oh you know.. you damm well know what the hell I'm talking about.. its just that.. I don't deserve this la k.. I don't deserve to be taken for granted. I don't deserve to be treated like this..hmm or maybe I do..
Conscience: Yes I know.. but I also want you to know.. that sometimes.. these things happen. No matter how much you try to reach the sun.. the rain is always there to stop you.
Juan: So what do I do?? Jump into the grave that I dug just now?
Conscience: No, You build a bridge.. and get over it. Get over to the sun. It's brighter and happier there.
Juan: And if I don't? What if the bridge collapses?? It happens.. It happens all the time!! ;((
Conscience: And this exactly where, you are in the perfect position to pray ;)

So here it is:

Dear Lord,
Honestly, I don't know what to say. I just ask of you to guard this heart of mine. I don't know why it gets hurt all the time. But if it is Your will. So be it. And I'm sorry, for all the times that you have to replace it with Your heart. It just happens. I've always wondered why.. maybe because I am that special child of Yours..and because only by the heartbreak..I will get closer to You. ;) Oh well, I just thank you..for not leaving me here alone. That you are probably the only one in this whole world, who never ever gave up on me and my nonsence. You do know, that you are the only one that keeps me going. Keeps me alive..keeps me breathing.

They say, that when you close a door, you always leave another window open. Apparently many doors have been closed..many windows were open too. Yet not one of it..is in Your will. And again, I ask you to give me the courage, to continue seeking that opened window..and whatever that is in it.. and that I may never loose hope, never loose faith, and always remember the reason I am here.

Amen!

Oh, dont bother me.. I'm just in one of moods again. I'll be back in no time! ;)
p.s To my dear conscience..though you annoy the crap out of me.. thank you for making some sense..;p

The so-called 10 advices about dating a guy.. ;)

2011-08-20T02:03:00.002+08:00

So here are some few lessons..I learnt about guys..;) ..no, not judgments of whatsoever.. but what I learnt from experience..;)

Never ever say "YES" ..unless you are really sure..and that you feel it too..
Never accept a proposal through FB, MSN or SMS.. you are worth so much more than that.
Just because he chat's with you every night.. doesn't mean he's into you..
If a guy wants you..he will have you..no matter what it takes. If he makes you wait..then move on.
Yes, he whispers flowery words..and turns you head over heels.. but oh well, are you sure that you're the only one he is saying those words too?
If a guy asks you out..never be afraid to ask him.. "for what?" ..because things will get ugly if you start assuming..
Never ever ever be emotionally attached.. that is the main breakup for all friendships..
If a guy doesn't treat you right, he might not be the one..
If a guy knows, you like him..but still leads you on.. hmmm you deserve much better..
If you have feelings for a guy..let God guide you through it all..

There..10 advices.. and more on the way..I guess.. hmmm..

The confession of a hyprocite.

2011-08-16T01:06:00.001+08:00

Ever felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world?? Well I did. I do now, still...

I am going to be completely honest. No jokes. No lame-ness. No craps. Because, I am not proud of it and I think its time to change.

I serve the church. I sang the psalm today. I teach catechism every Sunday. I join the youth group. I conduct praise and worship. But honestly, what's the point of all that, when deep down you know your're not fit to do it. You're not anyway close to fit. Because you don't practice what you preach.

I know its wrong. Its wrong to do God's work..without HIM guiding and leading you. Without Him in you! Because if Christ is not in you..there is a tendency that you go out of the way. Not only that, you are also leading the rest to the opposite direction. The difference between serving Christ and witnessing Christ is that everyone can serve Christ, but to witness Christ is to serve Him with all your heart and live the way he lived.

Now that it hit me..right in the eye I have to say it. If I keep quiet, even stones will start shouting.

I was once tagged in my cousin's pic as "the good church girl" .. ssiggh.. and nope.. I'm not one at all!!

I hardly read the bible. I pray only when I need something..;(( Attending mass is a freaking routine. Eric told me this today, "Juan you dream a lot during mass!!" ..And I was like, "Gosh, is it that obvious?!" ...sigghhh.. I make fun of people.. I'm probably the worst child to my parents. Ohh craapp I better stop..or else I might end up with a confession without penance on my blog.

So there, that was my mask. I am not a good church girl. I am a sinner, A bigger sinner than any of you. My serving comes with sinning. At least if you sin, but you dont serve..it doesnt require you to wear a mask. And the worst thing is that I feel God is very faraway from me. Day by day. sigghh.. And if I don't do something about it..I;ll end up digging my own grave. Literally.

But here's the thing. God is always stagnant. He never moves. It is we who do all the acting. the hurting and the moving. Then when something actually happens...we start blaming God.. "Why Lord, why you doing this to me?..I dont deserve it!"..and you start emo-ing all over again. sigghh...

God, must be wondering, "what did I do?" ..You did it all your by your self.

True enough. For I choose to not pray. I choose the other direction..the one that doesnt has GOD in it. the easy way! Now when I'm stuck, I refuse to blame myself. Because it will only increase the pressure. The only scape goat as usual is God. So I start blaming Him to feel sorry for myself. To convince myself..that there is a part of me..that is not completely at fault. And that is..by shifting the blame to God.

But here's the thing.. even after turning away from Him.. and then blaming Him.. He always have this huge grin in his face saying, "what made you think, that I'll be over you? I'll never be over you. Blame me all you want but I'll keep coming back into your life. To make you realize, that if you have me..you don't need anything else!"

And so He helped me today. He really did. I lost my eye drops. the one that cost about RM80. The new bottle which I only used it twice. I was on the verge of crying.. because my eyes was already getting cloudy. The next thing came to my mind was my parents. My eye check-ups could have sum up to a thousand bucks already. And no, we really don't need this extra nonsence. Then the docs face appeared. He would skin me to pieces if he found out I skipped my drops even for a day. Oh well, my eyes is kinda in a critical stage. ;(

So I prayed. I prayed with an open heart and mind, I begged for forgiveness. I'm still a hypocrite. Because I laid down conditions to him. I said, "Lord, give me back my eye drops, and I would never do those stuff again!" ..Then I was like..gosh what in the world am I doing..??

And yes, I don;t know what was his plan.. but I found my eye drops. I couldn't be grateful enough.

Now if only I have stayed on track..things would havebeen a lot easier. Even if I lost my eye drops, I wouldn't be worrying because if I have God, He takes care of it. He will find always make a way. But of cause since I swayed away.. I was that close to "snapping!" ..;((

So now the hard part comes.. Till how long, is the changed person going to remain..till she's back to her old ways.. hmm its always a challenge huh??? to make it last.

Hard, but not impossible.

So yes, I was completely honest. I've got a way waaayy wicked mind and soul than any of you can imagine. But the good thing is I'm aware of that. The thing about being aware..is that you can choose. Choose to change or remain the same.

So I choose to change. Amen!

The fingers did it ;)

2011-08-15T00:58:00.002+08:00

Hellooooooo!! all you dear faithful readers of mine! ..;) ..though I dont know how many you still remained..;(

Firstly, the moment I wanted to blog badly, blogspot.com refuse to load.. even after refreshing for 100000 times. And yes, I lost half the mood for blogging! ..But seriously, its always the moment you want that something so badly, it refuses to go your way. But then when you don't its always there..

Hmmm..so anyway.. the moment I entered my std 5 catechism class, a student looked at me and said, "Teacher! You look soooo cute today!" ..Of cause, my heart was full of smiles..but then I realize, I'm still having their exam papers.. She must be buttering me!

Then again I thought, but they're only 11 years old! ..They cant be that criminal minded! ..;p Apparently, every compliment I hear, I always assume there is always an ulterior motive behind it! ..

BUT, lol..then again.. I was wearing this retro-ish maroon satin blouse with my hair tied and long matching earrings and necklace..with my glasses.. I lookedd way waaayy waaay cuter and very much adorable than I was before! ;) She's obviously dammm right!

Lol, yes..I am very lame.. just like that.

And then.. another group of girls at the corner started..

GIRL A: Teacher, I think you look very sweet with your contact lenses.
Juan: Oh, I can't wear them.. I injured my eyes..*trying not to bang on the wall crying my lungs out* ..;p ;p
GIR B: What is contact lenses?
Juan: erm..they're this tiny thingy you put in your eyes to replace your glasses.

GIRL A: Teacher, you look like my uncle's girlfriend.
Juan: ....lol..*smilling shyly* ok ok..*get back to your work!*

GIRL B: Teacher you have a sister right?
Juan: Yes, you know her??
GIRL B: She's fair right?
Juan: My sister?? ..lol.. no no.. she's indian colour with short hair!!
GIRL B: Yess!! that's her!!
Juan: Ish ish..get back to your work!!

Firstly, will I be able to wear contacts for christmas??! ;((( Secondly, someone looks like me..and she has a boyfriend??! ..and thirdly, my sister is fairer than me?! ..

Perfect!

Hehe...sorry, my fingers were so itchy to type something. That came up.. so I just let the fingers do the work. Not my fault! ..;p

Blank space

2011-08-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

It's weird to stare at a blank space. Something that used to be your heart and soul, now seem so strange.

If you'd asked me why.. honestly, I don't know.

I don't know how things are going to turn out.
I don't know why it turn out that way before.
I don't know why I made the decisions I made.
I don't know how I convince myself to leave it this way.
I don't know what made me come back.
I don't know if things are going to change again.
I dont know if I am that person I thought I was.
I don't know if I can be the person I wanna be.
I don't know how people judge me from outside.
I don't know know if it mattered at all..
I just don't know..

I do know one thing..
That there is a reson..why this blank space, is being filled.
I'm not sure what it is..
But there is a reason.

The boyfriend..;p

2011-07-04T23:12:00.001+08:00

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! ..heheheh guess who's back to rock your world??!!

Yes! She's back! Full of spirit, full of life... feeling ever more complete than before!!

Unfortunately a while ago, when I thought I lost my camera, the whole world came crushing down.. My face changed..I didn't have mood to do anything!! ..And of cause, its because of my eyes as well..in which I have to take 3 eye drops now..and 3 tablets..and I will constantly feel this numbness in my hands and fingers.. that is the side effect of the pills! ..But thank God, I stopped the steroids!..at aleast I don't have to bother about my weight that much..;)

My mom realized this sudden change in my emotions.. and asked if was alright..this is how the conversation went..:

Mom: Juan, are you alright??..
Juan: Yes ma, I'm fine..
Mom: But you don't sound fine... are you having any boy friend problem?? who is your boy friend anyway??
Juan: HHAHAAHAH... no ma, that't the last thing I need right now..;p
Mom: hmm what about *****..?? He seems like a nice guy.. nice family..
Juan: LOL..MAAA!! ..we're just friends. Period.
Mom: Yes, maybe he'a a little unique..but he;s nice..
Juan: Ma, like seriously, if at all I have a boyfriend..you'll know.
Mom: How??? You don;t tell me anything..
Juan: Oh trust me. I dont need to tell you..for you to know.. you'll know!
Mom: ....

Hehehehe..and no, I don't have a boyfriend, just incase you needed to know. Yes at times I wished I one. I wish to receive early morning sweet and melting messages and goodnight calls.. I wish to go to the movies and lie on his shoulders.. I wish to have stupid conversations that someone makes sense with that special someone.. ;)

Oh but what the hell... I think I'm fine by my own!! ..I have Jesus!!! what else would I possibly need..;)

Ok, next post on the camp...and I need to go upload the pics! ..;)

A day before camp..

2011-06-30T17:51:00.001+08:00

heeeyy..

A few days ago..I was on my legs and toes to post something.. I was so close to jumping off my computer chair to get my hands on the keyboard.. Unfortunately, I had assignments to hand in.. and of cause right after that..I'm banned from going anywhere near the computer.. as the eyes..got even worse than ever..;((

But no worries..I went to KPJ this morning..and hopefully the medications is enough to last me till Monday..;)

Sooooo.. the weekends up!! ...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! ..Are you excited as I am?? hehehhe.. ohh sorry sorry, let me rephrase!! ..Are you ready for HFC'S most-awaited ENGLISH YOUTH CAMP!!?? XD

Oh yeapp..its this weekend.. 1st-3rd of July..;))

And since my blogging mood just went away.. ;( let;s say a prayer..;)

Dear Lord,
Thank you for being the AWESOME God, You have always been.;)

...You walked with us through it all and made us believe that the impossible is surely possible with you around. We lift up to you all the participants of our camp unto your hands..that if its Your will, may your words touch their hearts..and may your ways be the lamp unto their feet.
We pray for all the committee members who have put in their heart and soul, that whatever the outcome may turn out to be...we may accept it with an open heart for thy will be done!! May we never forget that in whaetver we do all glory, honour and praise goes to You and only for you!

Lastly, let the fun begin!! XD

Amen!!

We shall meet again after camp..;))

Random..;p

2011-06-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

Heeeeyyy ;)))

Hehe..ok this post is going to be so random..simply cause I wanna see how it looks on my new blog look! ..hehe ;))

Hmmm..so what shall we blog about?? Oh great, I can't think of any..

Well, I just feeling super duper excited...for whatever reason it maybe.. its just that feeling that draws a smile on your face..;)

And 8a.m. class again tomorrow! ..After that I have 2 group discussions.. and have to meet Ms Yap as well.. When I'm back home I have to complete my Media Writting Skils assignment.. grrr.. I hate this kinda writting.. cause its rigid, and controlled. You cant write what you want..or feel.. it has to be short and straight to the point.. Yeah I know.. lol..sooo nott my type..

I mean come on! ..It's writting.. free expressions.. free love.. free words.. but then when your writting for a newspaper is a whole different story..which is why I don't intent to work with newspapers.. but wait, the thing is I chose Journalism..sighh.. way to go Juan!! ..after 2 years..you realize you dont really like what your doing.. hmmm maybe I should do design..;) oh come on.. I fell in love with the eyes I drew..;p ;p ..hehehe..

Ok ok.. let me get to the point. I absolutely love writting. Just not the ones where I'm told what to write about or how to write it. ;)

LOL..told you its gonna be total random-ness...;p

Pray, Hope, Love

2011-06-27T16:13:00.000+08:00

Yes.. bye bye "ESCAPE OF A LOST SOUL..!!" ..

I've been lost for quite a while now..

So say Hello to PRAY, HOPE, LOVE!!! ...weeeeeeeeeee!!! hehehehe

I don't know what inspired me..but well.. I love it! ;))

Ok gtg, ttyl ya??

Cheers!!

The eyes.

2011-06-27T12:29:00.000+08:00

Guess who skipped class today?? ;)

Oh well, my design and layout class got cancelled...and I'm not sure if I can stand anymore of Mr Nazvi's jokes.. lol..I mean he is an awesome lecturer.. he makes us laugh all the time though half of the time he'll be thinking that "men" are the awesome-est species ever existed..which of cause I would throw my self over to argue that is he absolutely, definitely WRONG!!..but hey, the dude's gonna mark my grades.. whatever he says..have to be true..for now..;))

But honestly I'm not in the mood to spend 1 hour and 30 mins lecture on how to write. ;) My head has been bugging me since morning..and the rain! ..oh the rain is the sweetest ever.. I didn't wanna leave the bed.. but of cause that was before I knew my class was cancelled.. so I got up, showered, almost ready to leave, when I logged in FB to see that class in cancelled!!..UCSI should enter the guiness world records for cancelling classes every now and then..grrr!! oh well, thank God I havent left yet.. Guess, its the perfect oppurtunity to skip Media Writting Skills and have this time for myself....;))

By the way, guess who created the most gorgeous cartoon eyes this world has ever seen?? ..LOL.. sorry sorry, I'm oh-so-excited..cause I'm done with the eyes!! ..and I did it all by myself wei!! That's like as awesome accomplisment k! ..hehehe.. oh wait, before i go crazy with the eyes and drive you crazy as well.. we actually have this 10% assignment in which we have to create cartoon eyes using adobe illustrator.. so the whole of last night, i was cracking my head..on what kinda eyes should i draw an angry eyes, or sad eyes or seductive eyes.. ;( the execution part is alright..its the thinking part that drives me crazy..

Speaking of eyes.. I think eyes,... is the most extraordinary part in your body. And I'm not saying this cause I might loose my eye sight.. But seriously, have you ever stared at those eyes that sends shivers all over..and makes you melt like you never did..like they have this "magnetic" power that you just can't help staring..and then you have to force yourself to "unstare" at it..or else you might get lost in it..lol..
Eyes, they say a lot without saying a word.. They have this certain colour that nobody can match it.. They let go off tears..the biological clock in your body that knows exactly what your feeling deep down. And most importantly, then show what is in your heart. They eyes..leads to where your heart is..

Simply incredible..

Ok lets stop it with eyes.. lets go to the weekend!! ;)))

Weeeeekeeenndd!! ...hehehhe..oh yesss, i had one awesome one.. like seriously!.. It felt kinda good, to not have your mind 24/7 on assignments and due dates.. and for once, have the time of your life..with all the people you love.. those moments are clearly irreplaceable.. never in a million years I'm gonna find another AWESOME committee as HFC's English youths!! ...but then suddenly it got me thinking, once we're done with the camp..then what?? ;((((

Oh well, when we get over to that river..we'll find a way to cross it..

Till then.. have a great monday bloggers! ..I shall go write my news story ;)

And my faith shall be my eyes

2011-06-25T04:03:00.000+08:00

"There's a day that's drawing near..
When this darkness breaks to light..
And the shadows disappear..
And my faith shall be my eyes.."

;))
I learned something today.. That sometimes the best person to talk too are with strangers who knows nothing about you..;)

I attended UCSI's Christian Fellowship.. and we were broken down into smaller groups. Groups which consist of people whom I have no idea who they are.. and I think they're probably the best-est group discussion I've ever been with. You can just go on and on and on..about whatever you feel like sharing, whatever that's bothering you.. whatever that's on your mind..

And right after that I was like.."waaaaahhhh!!" ...its that feeling where a huge load of bricks has been lifted up your shoulders... you feel light..relieve..awesome.. like you can go through anything that you never thought you can go..;)

So I walked out that door of UCSI.. knowing that you're never alone.. you will never be alone..;)

And if everything else fails... your faith is all it takes, and you can walk in the water too..

Cheers to UCSI's CF..;))

I wish.

2011-06-22T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'll make it short.. I promise..;))

That guy with the guitar..totally melted me to bits and pieces..
You could just stare at him for hours..
And hear him sing..
That voice that could tear your nerves apart..
And watch his fingers strumming those strings...
That intense yet serene music that could bring your world down..

And then you wonder.. "Am I really still on earth??.. How come such humans exist?? They tell you so many things..without saying a word.. They touch your heart.. without knowing your existence.. They take your breath away..with a melody you've never heard off.."

Honestly, I wish I had that talent. I wish I could take someones breath away.. and bring their world down.. I wish I could speak without saying a word..but through notes and tunes put together.. hmmm I wish.. Ok scratch all that... yes, everything I said..

I wish.. someone could love me... for me.

Told you it would be short..;p

Guess who is God's gracious pearl?? ;p ;p ;p

2011-06-21T21:22:00.000+08:00

"I don't know what I want..

So don't ask me..

Cause I'm still trying to figure it out..

Don't know what's down road..

I'm just walking..

Trying to see through the rain coming down.."

Hey there ;)) This year is probably the worst blogging years of my life.. seriously, it is lacking tremenduosly..;(( But well, due to unvoidable circumstances in which my eyes has gotten from bad to worse.. I might have this condition called Glaucoma.. and that there is a tendency that I could go blind.. I'm not allow to strain my eyes..or do any vigurous activity.. meaning no running or badminton till the doctor gives the green light!! ..;(((

I was rather sad.. cause it is my fault.. if only I had listened.. but wait.. its not exactly my fault.. I mean come one its not eveyday you get to turn 21, I was practically out the whole week, and at the same time come back to finish the darn assignments.. and your friends.. oh gossshhh my friends.. its like I died and went to heaven.. looking at the surprises I got.. honestly, i was like AWWWWWHHH-ing all the time k.. like ALLL THE TIME!!! ...I was the kid again.. that kid I forgotten I was.. and gosh its simply awesomeee k!!..they're all awesome people.. my family, my two bestest friends on earth, Crystal and Jacynta, UCSI 2nd year Mass Com Students, HFC English Youth Committee!!!, and a special someone who literally treated me like a princess~Sahadeva~!!! ;)))

And with darn assigments..and celebrations.. there is no such thing as "enough" sleep" ..and on top of that, I had to play badminton and start running at the same time..so yes..it all added up...

I was kinda worked out that I might go blind..as my vision was blurring..like almost distorted image was forming already..i had to complain to someone.. And I was talking to Sukhbir and told him, "Sukhbir!! what if I reallly go blind??!! ..And I'm not even married yet!!.. would someone fall in love with a blind person??" He just started laughing...and it went on and on bugging his life..I'm sure in his heart he'd be thinking, "When is she going to shut up?!!" and i realized.. daammmm.. I can't blog!! ..and that will surely take my life away..

LOL.. ok ok.. I'm just being paranoid!! ..;p ;p ..

So anyway enough of my lame-ness.. how have you been?? ..I'm still the same.. only that, you get to see me with glasses.. I feel like a nerd or goody-two-shoes walking around in my backpack, and charcoal black hair, with jeans or tights.. hmm maybe I shoule be more err..feminine?? I dont know..but I do own a pink mobile, a purple purse, a purple hand bag.. and yes.. something other than flats..and skirts.. more skirts?? ..

Gosh..ok it just got lamer right?? grrrr...hmm ok ok I'll stop ..oh yes yes.. i got something interesting..

I was arguing with my lecturer through e-mail k.. lol.. yes maybe I don't speak my mind right to your face..but you give me a pen and paper.. I'll nail you to the wall k..;p ;p hehehehe.. jk jk.. but seriously, I think he's being ridiculous, and absurd.. like seriously.. Of cause I wrote it in a polite manner, but if you're smart enough you can sense my sarcasm here and there.. hehehe.. and then one part..i think he got a bit pissed off..instead of saying "juan!" ..he said, "Margrita!" ..lol.or maybe he cant pronounce my first name.. i wont be surprised..it happened like 10000012334 times ady.. and and..I dislike it being called "Margrita" ..so far only one person who loves annoying me by calling me "margs.." ..lol.. and wait, before I move on, we, the whole class made him change his minddd!!! ..woot woott.. now who's awesome?? ;p ;p

Anyway speaking of my name, guess what else?? Juan means "God is gracious.." and Margrita means "Pearl" ..so if you combine it.. you get GOD'S GRACIOUS PEARL!! ..Oh my goshhh... my mom is sooo brilliant k!! ..though at that moment she had no idea both my names were Spanish or the real meaning of it.. but WOW...after 21 years.. I think I have the best name ever.. minus the part where its a guys name.. but yeah.. ;))

Ok I think I carpped a lot ady today.. dont wanna take more of your time.. hehehe.. i was just too excited k.. so long didnt blog..;p ;p

Before I leave..

"Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission.. but I'm ready to fly.."

P/S I accidentally deleted my signature.. nevertheless.. this post is truly and orginally from me..;)

I'm still oh-so-awesome and amazing! ..;p

2011-06-14T00:52:00.000+08:00

So you wanna know what makes me... me?? ;))

I am overly sensitive. I cry and I'm not afraid of crying.. I cry for small things.. I cry when I'm hurt.. I cry even more, when I'm taken for granted.
I have a very big ego. Superbly big, that you can't possibly match it. Uh-huh, its very big, that if you expect me to go and tell you "hi" ..I'll probably think twice.. ;(
I don't speak my mind off. I tell you something nice though its not.. to take care of your feelings. As long as your happy, I don't mind getting hurt, I just can't bare see you getting hurt.
I can't say "no"..and I mean that literally. You ask me to do something, no matter how pack my schedule is, I'll do it..even if I have to stay up all night.. I will..;(
My sister says I live in another world. And I agree with her. In my world, butterflies fly freely, angels are always present and my prince charming rides a white horse..;p ;p In other words, I live in denial.
I am the definition of last minute. Like the last-ever-minute. Which explains the dark circles around my eyes, staying up all night, for assignments.
Saha said, "Juan you'rethe most careless person ever." As much as I would love to disagree, it is true. I just lost my eye drops and medications, but by God's grace, I found it back!! ..;))
I dream a lot. Like a lot, that is why I tend to blurr out all the time. I remember my friends telling me, on the day I get married, I might walking down the aisle, wondering which is my husband..;p ok that was exageration, but yeah, something like that! ..hehe
I get influenced very fast. Whatever you say to me, will sink deep within. However, somewhere at the back of my mind, I know what I believe in. I know my faith, I know my values.

I cannot change who I was, but I'm aware of who I am.
I'm aware that its a crazy world out there, and that not everyone is going to be how you expect them to be. I'm aware that you cannot change the situation, but you can change who you are.
I'm aware of my flaws, but I also know that without it, I'm perfect.
Yes perfect. But the thing about being perfect is that, nobody can ever be perfect. Even the thought of "being perfect" involves the need to be selfish and arrogant.

The irony of life is simply unique.
There aint no easy way out, either way you choose will either harm you or others.

But then that's the beauty of life as well.
To expect the unexpected. To know, that there is a gift behind every mystery. There is a rainbow behind every rain. There is hope behind every sadness. There is you, beneath all these flaws and imperfections.

So yes, I'm imperfect ;)

Its either you deal with all of it, or none of it.

Weird, some time ago someone very dear to me mentioned, "Your amazing, just the way you are" ..And I went flying, all over..lol.. oh well, so maybe those days are gone.. but guess what? I'm still oh-so-awesome and amazing just the way I am..

And yes, sometimes you need to come back and flatter yourself..with words of encouragement, so that next time when the storm hits, you know you can stand it..;)

In a hurry, to think of a title..

2011-06-12T22:40:00.000+08:00

Honestly I have like a lot of stories to tell, however my mom has to use the laptop urgently, since my PC is still in the repair shop..so I'll try to cut it short k?? ;)

Hmm, firstly, HFC Camp is going to rock!! ..;)) Seriously, Lord, I'm amazed by you.. like so amazed! ..I don't know how you do it, but gosshh.. You're simply the best!! Thank you for everything! ..;))

Secondly, I finished my assignment.. and gosshh, so feel like a journalist already! ..;p ;p

Thirdly, my students complimented me today! .."Teacher, you look very cute in your glasses!!" ...lol.. I don't know if they mean it, oh well it made my day! ..;p ;p My second compliment regarding my glasses..;p

Fourthly, I played badminton today. Yes, half blinded. I couldn't be bothered, I needed to burn some callories man! .. It was gooodd! ..;p

Fifthly, I'm having butterflies in my stomach, always missing a hearbeat, and and..siggghh.. I keep on smilling un-necessarily.. grrrr this is pretty bad alrite! ..;(

Lastly, guess who's turning 21, and has gotten the best gift ever in her life.. the family!! ..Seriously, although Little Bernadette showed it off my saying, "Juan, your mom said later got surprise for you!" ..LOL ..I enjoyed the small gathering!! ..thannkk you to the organizers.. My Family, Extended Family, Saha, Crystal, Jacynta and Shashi! ..Simply the best! ..XD

Ok, my mom is already hurrying me already!

Ttyl! ..;p

The murder of the second cockroach..;p

2011-06-10T08:59:00.001+08:00

Its 8.30am and here I am again, failing miserably at my attempt to detached with words.. ;p;p Sorry to bug you again with my lame post..but I can't help it.. I'd go crazy if I read another book. lol..oh by the way, I finished reading My Sister's Keeper.. and gooossshhh.. I was literally sobbing towards the end k! ..Its a daayymm good book! ..Go read it! ..;)

I have my presentation at 9.30a.m. ....yes this is the part where I go, "OMG!!..I can't do it!! I'm gonna fall on my heels and tear my niche's skirt!" I dont why am I so afraid of falling during presentations..hmm weird..

Now thats the thing... I woke up feeling like a zombie today.. like no way I'm going to go through this day .. ;( then like a zombie,I walked in the bathroom.. and this dayymm flying cockroach almost took away my life!!..I wanted to scream my lungs out, and I realize I didnt wanna wake my 76 year old grandma whose fast asleep. So I took the ridsect and sprayed the whole bathroom, sprayed and sprayed probably half the bottle is finished by now..;p ..and I would like to take this oppurtunity to thank the LIFE SAVER RIDSECT!!..gosh, it was a nightmare k,having to deal with that gross, ugly, big, suicidal cockroach..;) and yes,today I killed a second cockroah in my life.. yes, pretty lame, but hey..thats going into my bibliography aite! ..;p ;p

Anyway I have a new challenge today..;) Since I killed the monstreous cockroach, I intend to smile..XD.. yes to smile at whatever that comes along the way.. to accept everything that is gonna happen.. Just incase if my mind chose to speak Japanese today, or I tore my skirt, or they deide to reject my resume..yes the resume for my internship.. I'm gonna smile..why??? Because thats how you face life I guess. And because I know, its gonna rain forever.. the fact that the sun is going to shine sooner or later, gives you a reason to smile..;)

Another thing.. I rarely get this feeling.. or say it very often..but I think I'm gifted with the most amazing sister in the world..;) I don't know why I felt like saying that.. but if there is someone who inspires me, if there is someone behind this smile..if there is someone who can make me laugh and cry all at the same time.. and I'm not saying this because she already gave me my gift or that she drives me to uni almost every morning..;p but simply because she is my sister..;) and honestly, I have no idea what I would do without her..;)

And yes I wrote that when I'm completely sober and in a clear state of mind..;)

So to an awesome day...or no matter how its gonna turn out.. I'll make it awesome..

Will let you know how it goes..;)

Via Tumblr

2011-06-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

No, I don't feel right again.. hmm.. I'm begining to dislike the "night" for some time.. I hate to sleep already. I can't seem to sleep. And I'm up by 8am!! ..No matter how late I sleep.. I tend to get up by 8! Yes this is so not me.. Anyway I visited tumblr after ages.. I found these..;)

She aint giving up..

2011-06-09T14:18:00.000+08:00

"Everything I once held dear, I count it all as lost.."

So last night I had a terrible conflict within me. Yes a conflict. I wonder if you guys get it too.. Like all of a sudden, you go totally blank, where in the world are you, what's happening around you. Everyone around you seem like a stranger. My mom told me somethings..but I couldn't remember any of it. I just stared at her and nodded my head. I knew she and my sis had an argument.. but it was like I wasnt there.. Dissappeared through thin air. My body was there, my soul was still on earth.. it was just wasnt with me.

So what do you when this happens???

I prayed, its either that, or I jump of the clift of the higest mountain.. ;(

Then I started sobbing like a little girl whos brother broke the head of her favorite doll. I didn't know why I cried, but it felt so much better. I felt relieved. I felt comforted. I felt saved. And I knew I wasnt alone.

Ok, something changed right?? The way my words are coming are soooo weiirddd!! ..don't you think so?? hmmm did you sense some changes in the way I blog?? sigghh..

Help her, before she dissappears through thin air..;p

She stares blankly at the sky

Wondering how she got here..

How it all started..

She tries to complete the puzzle

But some pieces are missing..

She searches for a reason, for an answer

But ends up with a question..

She struggles to paint the picture..

But it blurrs out somewhere..

She wants to be heard..

But the voices are way too laud..

She tries to put on a smile..

But there is a crack in between..

She might be clinging on to a thin rope..

But she aint giving up..

The thing about love

2011-06-08T00:20:00.002+08:00

Goshhh.. panas panasss!! ..like really PANASSSS!! can you feel heat?? Gosh, I think the world is going to end before I graduate.. like what nonsense? I'm halfway dying for Media, Law and Ethics, and its for nothing? aiiyyoo

So anyway, SUDHA got engaged YESTERDAY!! ..like yesterday man! It was like a dream.. I swear it was.. or well, thats what I got up thinking ..;(

She's probably the first on my "close" friend's list who is about to tie the knot.. and yes that's awesome! ..You don't find true love all the time..and once its there, go grab it! ;))

The thing is, ...no I'm not gonna ask, "Where in the world is mine??!" Lol..

But then sukhbir told me today to go find for someone, and stop being single.. oh wait wait.. he also said that "Juan, you've got great personality, nice hair..bla bla..*which I totally agree with him..XD*..you just touch up here and there.. and go find for someone..you know, stop being single!!" ..

I laughed of cause..

The thing is.. again.. You don't choose to find for someone.. or when do you wanna fall in love.. you dont expect someone to find you..it just happens.. love just happens.. it beats every logic, every dream you've ever built.. and yeah, it just happens.. You like it or not, it happens.. and there;s nothing much you can do about it..;(

Ok I would love to elaborate more, since my expertise lies in this area..;p however I'm dying to finish "my sister's keeper" ..lol

This post is to be continued..

*Stay tuned*

P.s CONGRATS SUDHA GANESAN! ..;P

The power of words..

2011-06-05T14:58:00.001+08:00

So I finally finished reading Murakami's Norwegian Wood last night.

How was it?? hmmm.. I find the ending rather depressing, cause Murakami left it as an loose end, meaning there are a few possibilities of what could have happen. And yes, I kinda hate this kinda stories for you feel like, "aaaaarrgghhhh!!" .. You wanna meet this dude and demand, "what in the world happen to Toru and Midori??" .. They got together? Or died together? Or separated?? What what?? ..And Naoko, what was the main reason she died?? .GRRR!! ..Frustrating I tell you.. ;(

So I try google-ing the ending for the book, and came up with various answer and finally I found the perfect answer..

"If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think of what everyone else is thinking" ..~~Haruki Murakami~~

Which makes sense on why he's writing is so mysterious, so unpredictable.. He writes from a whole different perspective, very unique.. The ending is either sad or depressing for you think. To think that life is not always a bed of roses, sometimes you get tangled up with the thorns. The question is, "are you willing to untangle yourself and pink up the pieces.."

I realize why I enjoy read..
I read because its like an escape from the real world, you get to be your own hero, or heroin. You create your surrounding and imagination.. You feel what the character feels.. You put yourself in their shoes.. and wow! Really, its probably the best thing I could ever think off.. Its a 100000 times better than watching a movie..;)

I tried watching this tamil movie with my family last night..and all I could think of was the book. I couldnt wait for it to over to continue with my reading. I didnt wanna to just leave cause its a family leisure time and that they said the movie was really nice, so I didnt wanna dissapoint them by leaving halfway.. but seriously, I was hating every minute of it..

The thing about watching a movie, they're acting.. and that's it. You get what you see, you capture what you hear..there's nothing much you could do about it..

I remember this quote from beauty and the beast where Gatsby asked Belle, who loves reading, "How do you read this, theres no pictures??!"
And Belle replied, "Well some people use their imagination.."

I remember when I was in primary I'll go to the library during recess and borrow 2 books. Once I've read almost all of Enid Blyton's series, I will re-borrom them. If you check the card at the back of the book you will see my name in there twice! ..ehehehe

But then I stopped. I never knew why...

So today, I officially declare my new hobby, reading! ..;)

To HFC Youth Committee ;)

2011-06-04T23:28:00.000+08:00

Ever experience the moment, where you feel, "that's it, its not gonna work out!" ...You break a cold sweat, despite the air-conditioned place, you feel your heart racing.. Your lungs is bloated, your mind is all over the place.. you try to not think about it, but then no matter how much try, it aint working..

Yes I experienced that today.. ;( And it was bad.. because I realized that, "Gosh, I should learn to take it easy!!" ...I think I got it from my mom. She panics very fast and so do I.

Anyway, do you realize that whenever you try your damnest to do something good, something else comes in the way and stop you?? ..The video was perfect when its viewed but when its projected its not how we want it to be, the table for registration was not set up yet and what if we can't get enough people?? What if the committee gives up last minute??.. what if this camp, which is suppose to bring us together, is breaking us apart??

So while sermon, which of cause I couldn't concentrate..since my mind was all over the place.. I started writing and questioning God..

Lord, why do you always do this?? Why do you always screw it all up, when we want to do something for you?? We are trying our very best. And then, you make us believe, "that the harvest is plentiful but the labourers are few,".. Yes it is few, but then why do you choose to 'test' these "few" ones as well?? Its not a good feeling you know, when you don't support us in what we are doing for you.. Its like we wrapped up this "gift" , so beautifully, straight from our heart.. and there and there, you say, "Its not enough!!" ..;(((

I'm sorry Lord, yes I may sound harsh, but that's exactly how I felt that moment..

After emo-ing and "merajuk-ing" with the Lord, He told me something that touched me through the song, "Yesus Panggil Saudara"..

"Yesus panggil saudara,
Menjadi anak-anaknya,
Yang berkorban dan setia,
Dan memuliakan Allahku..

"Yang berkorban and Setia!!" ..to be his Child, is to sacrifice and to be loyal..

Then I looked at the cross and a tiny voice whispered, "I died for you, got nailed on the cross for you, fell down thrice for you, got my head pierced with thorns for you, shed every drop of blood for you... I don't remember complaining.."

I laughed of cause... lol.. I laughed to myself..;)

Then I remembered about the SALT OF THE EARTH.. You are the salt of the earth, and if the salt looses its saltiness, then what difference does it make?? I chose you to be different..I made you strong enough to withstand every obstacle, every test, every challenges.. if you were to give up now, what difference would you make, compared to others? if you choose to let the devil get in your way, what difference would it make?? You would be the same as they are..Remember, I did not promise that life would be easy, but I promise you that I will be with you through it all..

And then I was like, "Wow, Lord, your like amazing!!" ..;p ;p Seriously..

So to HFC Committee, whatever happens.. its for the Lord!

Drops of blood..

2011-06-01T22:17:00.000+08:00

Ok this is weird.. I just saw drops of blood on my book.. like red patches.. and when I blink, they're gone.. Then I blink again they're there!! ..Ohhh nooooo!!! ....Could it be that I'm hallucinating?? Or the effect of the torn iris?? ..It better be the effect of the torn iris.. ;(( I'm not 21 yet, I refuse to have an appoinment with the psychologist.. neither can I stand another psychologist.. My sister is good enough to paint the picture..;p ;p

Anyway, guess what else I did today?? I was having my shower and at the same time I was practicing my presentation for tomorrow's Media, Law and Ethics class.. I accidently washed my hair with the body detergent instead of my shampoo!! ..As relieved I was that it only the body detergent and not the toilet cleaner.. I did wash my hair twice! ..sigh.. maybe I should meet the counsellor..

Murakami's Nerwegian wood, stays on my mind all the time. Especially the part when Naoko is sent to Ami Hostel. I started thinking about Shutter Island ok! ...That is soooo sooo creepy! ..sighh

The presentation is tomorow, and yes I dread it. I'm not use to having tens pairs of eyes starring at me, waiting to prey any moment..but it can't get any worse, can it?? Obviously it can.. Ms Yap!

Sigh, Lord, please make sure Ms Yap in a good mood tomorrow! ..;)

Wish me all the best! ..

Beauty or nothing?

2011-05-31T21:07:00.001+08:00

"The Kite Runner, The time traveller's wife and My sister's keeper.."

Siggghhh.. Plus and minus, today and yesterday, I spent RM100 for those novels! I couldn't help it, it was the last day for the book fair and if I loose the chance now, I'm so gonna regret it when I see the price is doubled! ..;( But somehow I manage to influence Pinky and Glynn to buy along with me, hence one book is given for freee!!weeeeee!! XD

Hmmm,, I wonder why I don't spent that much on clothes.. I mean yes, like every other girls, I get all "gaga-ish" over that cute top from time square and that gorgeous pair of wedges, but it didnt cross my mind to run all the way to the bank, cash out the money and make it mine.. Like you have the feeling, "Yes its nice, fits me perfectly.." But then it stops there.. hmmm weird..

Anyway, I started back my observing business today.. And this time I let it go a little further.. Honestly speaking, the first thing I look at a girl, is how she dresses,, ;) In other words I was being utterly stereotyping, generalizing and judgemental.

I didn't mean it. But its there, in your mind. No matter how much you deny it, you can't get it off your mind. And with that one look, you start creating this whole story in your tiny head..like a washing machine. You dump in the clothes and now its time to analyze and wash them..;p ;p

Like did she shower before she comes for class?? What was she doing last night? Is her hair naturally wild or did she wear it like that to grab attention?? And thoseee clothess!! .."Wow, she's got guts!" ;) How are her parents like? Does she have a boy friend?? What is he like? How can she stand her?! Why does she speak that way?? And her voice!! .Goshh.. Like she knows-it-all..

Oh no, I'm not making that up. You and I know, that we all have the tendency to indulge in our own fantasy. Be it strangers or your friends.. we enjoy making up stories in our head and giving answer to our own question. Somehow we feel satisfied when we have explicitly 'robbed' her of her own private sanctuary.

As I was busy entertaining my mind about this very particular girl whom I have never spoken with, know nothing about her besides her name.. I realized.. hmm ok wait, I'm not sure what I realized yet, let me see if I can take you there; inside my mind..;)

Hmm.. Forgive me, my mind is getting even complicated day by day.. now that I have amused myself with all the short story of mine about this girl, what now?? By me, hating her guts and the sound of her voice, what do I earn?? .. Hmmm, a negative perception of this innocent girl who could turn out to be the next most independent women, or perhaps a real time host like Oprah.. and because of my choice of looking at her in a wrong way..I might be misssing out the very essence of friendship.

Now you see, how much damage the mind can do when you start thinking?

Why is so hard, to look at someone just as they are? To look at them and see that beneath all those make-up, dresses and voice, lies a human being, lies a soul that is in need of companionship, like you and me? Lies a girl with the biggest heart ever and she is willing to give to anyone.. lies a need to speak her mind off, something that I could never EVER possibly do it, even if hell freezes over heaven. Why can't we say to everyone we meet, "Cause you're amazing, just the way you are.."

Fake or not, God looks at you and loves you the same. That we are all amazing, unique, special and definitely awesome..despite all our failures, all the wrong perception we have on others, all the unecessary hate.. He thinks your one heaven of a person! ..;) Then again, we are not God, we are far from perfect. Human, helpless, hopeless.. but hey. you can try! ;)

And then if there is one thing that I've learned all my life is, if you choose to look through God's eye, your first impression is beauty..

"Blessed are those who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing.."

Writers are awesome!

2011-05-31T01:19:00.001+08:00

;)) So yes, in regards to all your questions..

Why wasn't I able to post anything for some time?

Yes, I am officially "cacat-ed" ..at this very moment. I tore my iris when the shuttle cock hit me right in the eye,, and was banned from SEEING any screen that requires the usage of an "EYE" .. yes that includes COMPUTER, TV and yes MOBILE! ;(
I lost touch with writing. Its like a long-distance relationship. You lost the touch when you're distanced, you tend to loose the heat, the passion.. hence you decide to take a break..;((
I forgot the reason I started blogging
I needed some time to detached from the network, to get in touch with myself, other than the mere usage of words and only words..

Why did I decide to start connecting with words again??

I realise that, "Gosh I'm writer".. No matter how much I stay away from writing, sooner or letter, the lost will be found, the runnaway will be back to where she belong. And I belong here.
I had this weird need in me, to change the world.. to change someone, at least one.. to make a difference.. through something that comes deep down from my heart right to this post..
When I blog, its like, "I'm me..Juan Margrita" ..No mask, no facial, no make up. This is me, the girl who has thousands of thoughts all over, who may drive you crazy half the time, who enjoys putting words together and making sense out of it..Though half of the time I dont.. but whether you like or not.. This is me.
Today, UCSI had a book fair. Yes I have my assignments pilling up, HFC Youth camp coming up and I have made plans with so many that I barely have time for myself. But as I was glacncing through the books sold there, I was like, "OMG!!" ..I don't know when the last I was this happy and excited that I ran all the way to the bank, cashed out some money just to buy the novels. Not one, but TWO! ... I'm halfway reading Murakami;Norwegian Wood. The other novel is "The girl with the dragon tattoo" ...Reading Murakami, made me realise the power of words; both reading and writing!
Lastly, cheryl tagged me in a post "20 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD DATE A WRITER!!" ...I was smilling all throughout cause its sooo daymm true! ..Seriously, we're awesome la k! ..Like so awesome!

So yeah, if at all you see my blog silent for some time, please bug me alrite! ..;) Remind me, the reason I started blogging..

And oh, the eyes is getting better, as you can see.. I;m back to blogging business!

May you know, the joy you bring in my life..;)

2011-05-22T01:41:00.000+08:00

Err, so lets try to put words together ..words of what the heart speaks off.. words that you never knew existed.. words that put a smile on your face..

May the rain fall wash away every hurt..

May the wind blow off every sadness..

May the bird fill the earth with songs

May the flowers speak to you of beauty..

May the children talk about love and only love..

May the man calm down his anger with laughters..

May the broken heart find peace from within..

May the homeless find shelter through prayer..

May the poor find strength in hope..

May the rich humble their hearts through giving..

May the unborn find joy in heaven..

May the death rest in peace forever..

May the couple join hands through eternity..

May the lonely count their blessings..

May the sinner seek peace in forgivess

May the people love their enemies..

May hatred leave the world for good..

May the world learn the lauguage of love..

May tonight seal the memories of today..

May tomorrow create new hope and life..

May God bless you always..

May my heart find peace tonight..

May my words flow to you like a river..

May you know, the joy you bring my life..

Just something that randomly came out from within in! ..;)
Have a great day tomorrow!

To awesome friendships!

2011-05-21T00:12:00.001+08:00

Ok, my hair smells like a smoked cigar! ..grrr! ..One of the many reasons why I hate mamak-ing! ..Then again it felt soooo good to meet Alma! ..weeeeeeeeee!!

Well, I had an unusually surprising day, today! ..XD.. As you can see, I'm a lil on the anti-social kinda type. No, I'm not lying. You have got no idea what it takes for me to talk to a stranger, next to me..;( Yes, it is that bad..

Anyway, it all begin with me entering the wrong class. After a year and half in UCSI, I had pairs of eyes starring at me..and I didn't recognize any of them. I slowly took a step back and searched for a notice on the door!! ..I can't possibly enter the wrong class!!! ..and indeed, the class was re-venued *this words doesnt really exist* to another class. hehe

Once I entered the class... I spotted for my clique of friends..and of cause, there they are, right in front! ..And looking at the temperature of the classroom, there aint no way I'm sitting in front facing the lecturer. I'd be literally freezing in about 10 minutes! ..;(

So I searched again for some familiar faces..and there I spotted Eunicia! ..She was sitting alone..so why not?!

Anddd wooowww.. You wouldn't guess it!! ..It was the most perfect decision I have made in my whole life!! ..Lol.. ok I love exagerating! ..But seriously, looking at this point, and all my pointless decision I made..it was simply WOWla k! ..So we sat there for 3 hours.. talking and talking! ..The 3 whole hours! XD

Ok, we werent only talking, there was this part where I accidentally dropped her coffee can down! ..And there was another part, where I knocked her water bottle down! ..Lol, I can't help it.. things appear to slip off easily whenever I'm present! ;((

And here comes the best part! ..hehehe.. She was telling me all her hometown stories, she's not a Malaysian by the way! ..hehe.. And there was a point where I went completely blur and asked, "You mean she was married, got divorced, and the re-married?" ..As far as I'm concern, that sentence came out right, but she burst out laughing!!! ..NON-STOP!! ..I couldn't help it..LOL So I laughed along with her.. I was sooo eager to find out what went wrong! ..hehehe..We had to control ourselves and vibrate in silent as the lecturer was still going on with his Alternative Voices..;)

Then she took out her notebook and started drawing charts to make me understand what she meant! ..heheheheeheheheh..I couldn't believe it!! It was actually pretty simple.. err fine, it was very simple.. but you know, I have a short attention span..and like I said, the b.r.a.i.n.s is totally weird! ..hehehe.. You say, "chicken" my brain reads it as "eggs!" ..so yeah..ehehehe.. but we still didnt stop laughing after that!

So anyway, since my "date" got postponed.. Eunicia invited me to join their Christian Fellowship (CF) ..For once, I didnt feel like rushing back home and watching How I met Your Mother..so I stayed! ..Their worship was good! Meet a lot of new friends and old ones..And I learnt one thing, that I would probably remember for the rest of my life..~~You are the salt of the earth. If the salt looses its saltiness, then what difference would it make?~~"That I was born to be different..and if I give in easily to sin and follow the world, what difference would it make?" ;)

After that, I went back home..and it was raining!!!...Part of me was like, "Oh noo!" ..Another part said, "Throw your umbrella!" ..hehe..and thats what I did.. Ok I didnt really throw, I put it inside back, and enjoyed the rain!

Came back home, I had a surprise visit!! .. Oh btw, my date was with Maureen Alma! ..But she senju me last minute and decided to make it up to me by coming right into my house! ..WEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! .. seriously, what else can beat a nice heart-to-heart conversation with your girlfriends??! ..hehehe

Awesome huh?? ..To have friends whom you can share about anything. I realized, its not about how many friends you have..its about the intimacy you share with them, that can never be replaced by anything.

I don't have much friends..but then ones I have.. would go all out for me! ;))))

Cheers!
To awesome friendships!

The story of the check-ard shirt

2011-05-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

You know what I feel like doing right?? ;) I feel like watching a scary movie that makes me close my ears and eyes.. and move closer to the person next to me! ..XD Then somebody walks in my room door quietly, blows through ears..and at that exact moment the ghost appears in the television and you go "AAAAAAAHHHHH!!" ..and then you chase the person who made you wake up the whole town! ..;)

Heheeheh..yes I know.. sometimes I wonder, did my brains accidentally fall off, when my mom gave birth to me..or was I born without one? ..;p ;p

So anyway.. I was on my way back home ..in the train..I was soo excited to get a seat which 80% of time I wouldn't, knowing KTM and just as I tried to close my eyes for a short nap..guess what I saw?! No, its not a cute guy or anything.. I saw this exact girl who is wearing the same checkard shirt as I was! ...The same turquoise, squary shirt that I bought in time square!!

Yes, you read that correctly.. My first thought was like, "daaamm!! can I jump off the train?" ...hehe..Of cause I tried placing my bag in front of me so that it would look like a pattern on my shirt or something..But of cause it was waaayy too obvious at that minute..

So I gave up and sat up straight.. Then I started laughing to myself.. I mean yes, it was pretty embarrassing.. but then what could you possibly do at that moment??! I mean seriously, unless you really wanna sacrifice your life for a check-ard shirt..and make the headline. "Girl jump of the train because of a checkard, turquoise shirt!"...be my guest!

Well, but then if you decided to change to the situation like this..Just just keep on laughing.. and say, "Heyy! ,,You have great taste! ..Like me!!" ..hehehe

Yes, its all your CHOICE!

My point is.. its just like life! ...You can't undo what you have already done! ..You cannot take back the words you have said.. You cannot run back to the past years and react that moment.. You cannot turn back time and recreate the memories.. Obviously, I can't go back home and change my check-ard shirt..;)

You just have stand up from wherever you are, start walking and continue living..;)

Yes its hard, of cause. If life was damm easy, I wouldnt be here blogging..;) My sister, somehow made me think in a way I never knew I could.

She said, if you want to be happy, you can. If you want to be sad, you can. Its all in your mind. What you think, is what you are.. How you want to live your life, is up to you.. If you insist on others to destroy your life, so be it. If you insist on others helping you to live a life that is worth living, so be it.. If you think life is a gift, and everyone else is the giver of this "gift"..though sometimes they give you "unexpected" gifts..and you intend to receive it with a wide heart..so be it.

Remember..its all in your mind..XD

Ok enough psychological classes for today!

Have to be prepared for my "date" tomorow! ..XD

Tc!

The egg theory

2011-05-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

Ahheeem! ..hheehe

Yes this is an obvious question..but I'm gonna ask anyway.. hehe ..Miss me??!! ..;)))) lol.. how not to right??

Well anyway, guess who's back?? ..and back for real this time?! ..hehe yesss!! ..she's back! ..Never ever going anyway.. ever again!! ..or well I hope so! ..;)

All actually a lot happen when I'm away from starring at the computer, typing nonsense..;p
Like, you know the thing where you deal with your heart and head! ..Gee that stuff is weird k! ...
Like how I'm like sooo addicted to how I met your mother..
Like how I realized, that sometimes, I feel like the most blessed human on earth.. but wait the thing is, its not SOMETIMES.. its actually all the TIME..;)

Anyway I actually had a great weekend.. and I was told about the egg theory..;)

Yes you read that correctly, its called the EGG THEORY..;)

Before I indulge in my fantasy any further..I kinda have a tiny confession..hmm I can't break an egg perfectly! ..;((( yes.. everytime I break an egg, there is at least one tiny shell at the size of 1mm inside the pan! ..sighhh.. yeah, like how in the world can someone exist without knowing how to crack an egg! ..grrrr Sometimes I wonder if I could ever cook a perfect meal without poison-ing anyone..;( sighhh..

Anyway, back to the egg theory.. So it was said that we humans are similar to eggs.. ;) These eggs are broken and the shells are thrown down to the earth..Now until the egg shell had found its perfect shells that matches it perfectly.. it would not be complete!! Once they have found the correct "shell" of the correct size and every tiny crack fits in the other perfectly.. then only can they be one..XD

heheeh.. nice?? oh well, when I first heard I was like "WOOOWWW!!" ..

Well, whoever came up with it is absolutely brilliant!! ..;)

Then again, there are few question that came up and got me thinking.. like what if the shells are totally gone!! ..totally broken and disfigured.. pieces and pieces that it is impossible to put it back together?? Or like what of the "other" shell chooses to remain "half" and does not want to complete?? ..Like what if the rain washes away the shell to a very distant place, that it is impossible for anyone to find it..and even if they did, it would be too late then..???????

Lol, yes I know. I'm a lil paranoid just like that...

Then it got me thinking... So what??!!! ..lol.. yes, so what if the egg shell is left all alone??!! ...The "one" that placed you in there, in the first place, must have known it.. He must have a plan for you already.. and maybe your in for much bigger adventure!! who knows, these particular shell is actually the home for all the homeless ants and worms! ..;) Or well go around the world in the basket with the chickens! ..hehehe ;p ;p

hmm.. and speaking of paranoid.. I was actually having an intelligent conversation with Adrian and it got me thinking, "gee why can't I just agree that he is correct?? Why do I have to be always right??" ..lol.. and even if I know I'm wrong.. somehow I would go all the way to defense my self and make sense of all the nonsense my brain is trying to say..hehe

Because that is us human.. we can never be satisfied with the answer, "yes" or "no" ..there has to be a "why" in it..;) We hate less...and if we have more.. we want even MORE.. We want it FAST.. if we have to WAIT, its just not right!! ..We have to be the FIRST.. for "LAST" is like a death sentence.. We want to go "THERE" ..because "HERE" is not good enough!! ..We want the BEST, cause we DESERVE it! .. Its all about ME, MYSELF and I.. who cares if the "beggar" has eaten for days.. or the child is yearning for company.. As long as the world is ABOUT me.. ahhaaahh.. PERFECT! ..;)

Hmmm.. and who in the world am I to tell you, "heyy, thats not the way how you live your life.." ..;)
Hehehe..

I found some interesting quotes that got me thinking about this..

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has..~Epictetus~
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give..~Winston Churchill~
Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once..~Lillian Dickson~
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring..~Oscar Wilde~
Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts..~Charles Dickens~

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
~Mother Teresa~

Mcd Encounter

2011-05-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

So I decided to make myself useful by dragging myself out of my house to Mcd to get started on my assignments.. But of cause we all know with the existence of FB and Blog, and considering the degree of my addiction which come to think of it..is getting erm..better..;p ;p then I again I just wrote a sentence of my assignment, and I got bored..hence the post..;)

Hmm.. let me tell you about my surrounding..
There's this guy on the next table.. typing a caption on a picture.. well from my side of view, he's probably into his assignments as well.. but oh waitt..I just saw him logging into FB!! ..wee!!! I'm not alone in the dillemma between FB and assignments..;)) hehe

Next, a group of guys and a girl just entered with ice-creams on their hand.. One with a Justin Bieber hairstyle, another with Michael Jackson's cap.. while the girl..hmm probably Michele Yeoh's hair..;p ;p ..and the last one.. hmmm he was just being himself..simply perfect..;)

Hehe.. Ok moving on.. There's a coule on the end corner.. And indian couple.. hmm quite perfectly matched.. but i wonder how long are they gonna last..;p ;p

Next, there's another couple at the end.. with the guy on the laptop.. LOL.. ok Rule No 1, When you bring out girl don't bring other gadjets with you.. Like seriously, this is the part where you show her, she's the only one that matters.. Your laptop can't possibly be any more attractive than her eh..Fail la k! ..;p ;p

Ok some reallly hawwwtt guys just walked in.. right opposite me! ..oh crapp! ..wish jacynta was here.. could cuci mata a bit! ..Well, if you do it alone, its weird and depressing k!

Hmm, a family with 5 kids just walked in as well!! ..and the mother is pregnant again!! ..Awwhhh!! don't you find pregnant women the most beautiful creature on earth?? .. Seriously, the are holding something so precious, so fragile, so woowwww!! ;)

Ok, I'm done describing the surrouding.. the must be thinking I;m weird for starring at them like i'm retard or something.. ;)

Anyway, I;m starting to enjoy my Media, Law and Ethics.. Remember Ms Yap?? The oh-so-strict lecturer?? hehe..I'm starting to like her..she's soo cool! hehe..and you know how else I feel?? ..I like what I'm doing.. It feels right.. and that's good right? ;)

Ok..my time is up.. have a great day everyone!

Chapter 1

2011-05-11T18:32:00.001+08:00

She looks down at her fingers.. those long nails looks rather pretty but she can't seem to stand them. She keep on imagining shredding the papers with it. Hence, "bye bye, lovely nails..until we meet again," she whispers and she starts bitting them.. She caught pairs of eyes, starring at her then. "Oh craapp!!" ..slowly she put her fingers down..and put on the sweetest smile ever.

While she was still smilling, suddenly, "splaassshh" ...she felt wet! ..Literally wet!! "Damm!!" she muttered.. "Why is it always me?? ..." She shifted place then..somewhere else where there isn't a leaking roof.

"Ahh finally, a dry place with no evil eyes feasting me.." She thought.
"These three words.. they could change our lives forever.. and I promise you that we would always be together.." Those words were on replay. Celine's voice was breathtaking. "Can I match her, someday..?" she wondered.

Interesting though.. throughout the whole song.. there was only one person on her mind. One person's voice. One person's laughter. One person's smile. Though one, it made her feel complete, and she loved it..

She hated the damm effect he had on her.. sighh.. Will it never end for her?? ..

"you have a received a text message".. her mobile voiced out.. She took out the mobile and checked it. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw his name!!

It was like winning a lottery!!! ..She had a smile right up her eyes.. Damm she missed him...could he possibly miss her too??

Yesterday

2011-05-06T09:22:00.000+08:00

hey hey!! ..;)))

Apa macam?? hehhe

Aheeemm.. I'm about 1 hour early today.. 1 hour before my class starts.. 1 hour to share with you this beautiful song which was on my playlist.. I didn't even knew I had it! ..;) but thanks to Christinaaa!! .hehehe.. and it was on replay since this morning..;)

Yesterday~~Leona Lewis..

I just can't believe you're gone

Still waiting for morning to come

Wanna see if the sun will rise even without you by my side

When we have so much in store tell me what is it I'm reaching for

When we're through building memories I'll hold yesterday in my heart

In my heart

[Chorus:]

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made

They can take the music that we never played

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away

But they can never have yesterday

They can take the future that we'll never know

They can take the places that we said we would go

All the broken dreams take everything

Just take it away

But they can never have yesterday

You always used to say I should be thankful for every day

Heaven knows what the future holds or at least how the story goes

(But I never believed them till now)

I know I'll see you again I'm sure no it's not selfish to ask for more

One more night one more day

One more smile on your face but they can't take yesterday

[Chorus]

I thought our days would last forever

(But it wasn't our destiny)

'Cause in my mind we had so much time

But I was so wrong

Now I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made

I'm looking back on yesterday

Lol, ok seriously.. you should go to listen to the song with the lyrics!! ..its soo soo.. hmm.. soo very true.
And when Leona Lewis sings it.. wooaahhh.. she sings it in a way no other artist could put it.. so meaningful..like she puts her heart and soul in it..;)

Thats exactly how a music suppose to sound like rite?.. I mean you don't compose a song but tossing in words and the tune just for the sake of it.. ..It doesnt need to have all the bombastic words or catchy or make your head spin..;) they just have to come from the heart..and there, its perfect..;)

Actually I was kinda banging the piano yesterday.. and well, i think i kinda composed a song..;p ;p ;p.. lol..

ok, i have exactly 10 mins to shut down, walk up UCSI's weight-losing building, find my class.. and attend it ;)

Have a nice day people

The catcher

2011-05-05T12:20:00.000+08:00

Ok I have exactly 15 mins to say something..

Lately I'm feeling very ermm.. care-free.. hmm its this light-kinda feeling, where you couldn't care less about how is it going to turn out.. what are they gonna think of you.. or what if I end up in an island together with the apes.. hehehe.. yes weird.. very weird.. but seriously.. its like free falling..

You know that "stunt" they'd perform in circus.. I forgot what is it called.. but the one where they'll swing themselves, like in the monkey bar and then let go.. and then TRUST the "CATCHER" to catch them..lol.. Once they let go the bar, it all depends on the CATCHER to catch them.. but they cannot try to catch the catcher or else they'll break the wrist.. but they have to trust the "catcher" to do it..;)

Awesome huh?? ..to have a free fall from the sky and have someone catch you and keep you save no matter where you fall..;)

Oh yes, I'm talking about the MAN up there, who won my heart years go..and never get tired of doing it.. who will catch me again and again, if I fall..or choose to fall.. aahh.. amazing..

Alright, thats it for today.. and before I leave I found this in tumblr..

"Use your smile to change the world..
Don't let the world change your smile.."

Quite a while..

2011-05-03T10:59:00.000+08:00

Wowww..quite awhile huh??? hehehe

and honestly I have a lot to talk about!,...sighhh.. but tak boleh!!..;(
I have like all the time in the world eh..and I finish reading the notebook in a day!!.. "Perfect" in 3 days.. and now I'm starting to read "forever yours".. sighh.. and wait.. did I mention I was away in johore..;) Yes, was cooking,driving around town, gardening,...and stil I finish reading..;p;p oh, the amount of work that can be done without the internet..

But it was quite hard though.. As I had to call yamunah and pinky like about 1000 times, to get my results.. and oh well, I dont know how.. but I can only say Thank You LORD!!..;))

Hmmm..its the beginning of the 2nd sem, 2nd year.. First class today..and its back to 8am class again!!..;(( how was it?? ...yes,like a knife punctured through my heart.. the veins snap, your breathless..well thats how I felt..MEDIA LAW & ETHICS is a killer alrite.. and yes literally.. so hope you dont mind me ranting about it for the next 14 weeks! ..;)

I was 30 minutes late for class.. Though I know I could have gotten up early, took the train, reached on time.. but nahh.. I decided to take it easy for this sem..which obviously is a bad idea..hehe For I woke up a bit late..followed my sis to work, got stuck in the massive jam,and got my self all wet while running in the rain.. barge in room C401 like I'm the next "Kate Middleton.."..;p..and got Ms Yap to stare at me..like a wolf,ready to attack the lamb.. lol..

Hehehe...right after I made my grand entrance in my soaking leggings and shoes.. I gave my sweetest apologetic smile..and "co-incidently" ...she lectured about coming to class late..lol.. and I thought, "Way-to-go, Juan!! what an awesome start!"..;p ;p..and then she moved on to the course outline.. with my mouth fully open..;((( ....sighh...I was speechless.. There's a lot of reading, a lot of writing, case studies..researchs..and the sad part is.. her expectation is way WAYYYYY higher than any other lectures.. ;((...It would take a miracle to pass this subject..;(

hmm..what else.. oh did I mention I'm living without internet at home??..hmm guess I did..;( It wasn't that bad.. another 3 more weeks left!..I just missed blogging.. ;( I did start writing manually.. but it was all sooo..hmmm something I'd rather not post up here..;p and you know what else I was inspired to do???..To write a story..XD ..hehe wish me the best!

One more thing... my dad.. He's been acting real sweet lately!!..Seriously.. Last night he came to my room and tucked me in.. he even volunteered to wait under the rain for my burger.. and gave me his umbrella.. I refused of cause.. I love the rain..;) but its weird.. He doesnt usually do all this.. hmm.. maybe he just missed me..well I was away for a week..;) its still weird though..

Ok, I shall probably stop all my lame stories.. I've been here for a hour already... I have to go to the bank, then get lunch, then bring my dear PC to the shop.. its kinda sick!..sighh.. and yes, read, write, probably watch a movie or something..;) and oh, the juniors are in for their new start...and wwwwooooww..not bad wei!..;p;p;p

Alright then.. will post soon enough when I have all the available networks! ...

Have a nice day!

because I can't say what I wanna say..

2011-04-20T22:14:00.003+08:00

Weird, I still have my connections.. and yes thank God..I still do..;)

Firstly, yes my exams are finally over today.. I couldn't be bothered about it though.. I didn't know what I studied.. I mean yes, I say that all the time.. but honestly, this time, I mean it.. I was even thinking of sitting for supplimentary paper.. sighh.. but I sat for it anyway..

I looked through the examination hall.. filled with students eagerly sitting for their paper.. I looked at mine.. with all the strength I had in me.. I opened it, stared at the questions.. some looked familiar.. the others, I know I should have studied it.. but really its probably the first time in my life, I was honestly not prepared at all.. and it didnt bug me any bit..;((

The pass few days has been darn weird to me.. Something bothered me so much.. something was so wrong somewhere.. something was clearly messing me up.. and you know something, for once in my life time.. I knew why..;)

And if I myself feel like this.. how much more will they feel??

Sighh..

Really, I cant say much to entertain you guys now or any so-called words of wisdom.. but I do have so many things to say.. and John Mayer's lyrics pierced right through..

"Even if your hands are shaking..

And your faith is broken..

Even if your eyes are closing..

Do it with a heart wide open..

Just say what you need to say.."

Nope, I still can't.. ;(

But when I have found myself again.. and when I have removed this uneasy feeling within me, ..I will come back and say what I want to say alright..

Lord,
I'm not quite sure how to say it here.. but you know my unconfessed secrets.. you know my unspoken prayesr..you know my heart and everything that dwells within it.. I lift it up to you Lord..

to alex

2011-04-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know why I still have my connection.. anyway if you can't find me in FB its because I deactivated my account.. but I thank God I still have my conenction now to post this up..;)

And this is the second most shocking news I've received in the two weeks.. sighh.. I'm not sure if you know my friend, Alexzander Johnson.. oh well, if you don't, you really should get to know him.. ;)

He lost his dad today.. ;( ;( when I heard it, i felt a lump in my throat.. a lump that is still there till now.. the food tasted like paper.. I couldn't get my self to smile or talk to anyone.. My mind was all over the place..

I didn't even dare call him.. ;( I wouldn't know what to say..

Just incase, you didn't know alex..
He's the kinda person who would go out the world to help you..
He's like the pillar of strength that keeps you going, when you're down..
He's the friend that will walk with you through the storm, if he finds you there alone..
He puts a smile on you face even if you're facing the worst moments of your life..
He makes you forget your problems..and brings back your faith to God..
He whispers words that you never knew existed.. and there, your alive again..;)
He's probably the most sweetest friend anyone could have..

But then now, the pillar itself is hit! ..siggghhh

Hmm.. I'm bad at dealing with death! but this is for you my friend..

Dear Alex,
I feel like I've known you all my life.. and yes you taught me a lot of life.. Indirectly you played a big role in my life for the past 4 years that I've known you.. I just want you to know, that you shine up my life like the brightest star ever existed.. and it hurts me bad enough to know that, that star is currently losing its brightness..

If I had the chance to meet your dad, I would have thanked for bringing you into this world. He fought a good fight.. but God loves him more that he couldn't bare to see him suffering.. Your dad, is with Jesus now.. where else could be a better place? Physically he has left this earth.. but spiritually, he is always with you.. He doesn't wanna see his only son losing its brightness now.. He has a lot of faith in you.. and just because his not here with you to finish the race.. doesn't mean you have to stop.. He wants to you carry on, just like he did.. and he is very much proud of you, just as we all are..;)

Yes its hard, and I have no idea how it feels.. but like I've told every other person in this world.. You are never alone in this world alrite? God is always by your side.. and so are we.. Keep on going and stay strong!!
We are here with you..always..

Love ya! ..hugsss!!

And this is what God is telling you..

And I'll be by your side

Wherever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

And please don't fight

These hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Lifeless..;p

2011-04-15T12:32:00.002+08:00

Ok I know my previous post suppose to be the last..but I'm feeling so bored and lifeless..and not in my studying mood yet for my last paper next week.. will start tonite k! ..I promise..;) and I still can go online till tonite.. so since this is my so-called last post.. allow me to enlighten you about my life,,,at this moment..;p ;p

Ok ok..i found this on my friends blog.. and why not rite?

A - AVAILABLE:..technically yes..but the heart isn't ..lol once I clear it, I'll let you know aite! ..;p
B - BIRTHDAY: ...15th June.. presents pleaseee!! ..;p ;p
C - CRUSHING ON : errmm..for now its CHANNING TATUM! ..;p ;p
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD:..water...;)
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: hmm..ok this is tough.. but it should be my sister.. lol
F - FAVORITE SONG: ...oh please dont get there.. i have a whole book of it! ..;p
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Gummy bears!!!
H - HOMETOWN: KAJANGGGG!! ..XD
I - IN LOVE WITH: woot woott!! ..sensitive question.. ;p ;p
J - JUGGLE: oh well, i should probably stop acting like a clown..and yes i juggle with 2 balls...;)
K - KILLED SOMEONE: if you include ants and mosquitoes..then yes..;p
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: erm to grandma's place, johore! ..;)
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Oreo with chocolates!! ..;)
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2...wish i had MOREE..
O - ONE WISH: ......to live a life according to Jesus! ..
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: the sister...
R- REASON TO SMILE: ...that I'm breathing and all alive..;)
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: what the hell ~avril lavigne~
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP:11am!! ..heheh slept late last nite k!
V - VEGETABLE(S): Broccoli, tomatoes*if its a vege*, the red spinach..
W - WORST HABIT: carried away with crapping..;p ;p
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: chest..
Y – YOYOS ARE: attached with a long string that somehow doesnt seem like a yo-yo when I play it! ..;(
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: GEMINI!!

Random Questions About You:
Spell your name without vowels: JN MRGRT...wakakakaaka..hehehe
What color do you wear most? : Black, pink, white.. lol
What are you listening to? : Kissing you..miranda consgrove
Are you happy with your life right now? : I should be...;(
What is your favorite class in school/college? : I love Expository Writing..in my first sem! ;)
Are you outgoing? : when im in the mood, with the right company! ..;)
Favorite pair of shoes? :wedges..but since i sprained my ankle ..so its flats now..;(
Where do you wish you were right now? : hmmm...above the sky, touching the stars..;p ;p

THE CANS:
Can you dance? : hahaaha..erm.. occasionally..;p
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth? : whhhattt?? lol.. i doubt! ..
Can you whistle? :..nooo!! somethiing that im sure to learn before i leave this earth..
Write with both hands? :I tried.. but its not really working..grrr
Walk with your toes curled: nope again.. gee, i dislike the questions here..lol

THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: errrmm.. i guess
Do you believe in miracles?: YESSS!!
Do you believe in magic?: Not really.. its actually tricks you've never thought about that others did! ..XD
Love at first sight?:...erm not love, maybe its crushes at first sight..hehe
Do you think there's a Satan: yeapp..
Do you believe in Santa?:..i believe in st nicholas!
Do you know how to swim?:I just flap my hands and legs.. and i tend to move forward.. lol i swin a lil i guess! ..XD
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows :...I might..but then again, it depends on the reward..;p

THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: yeapp..
Have you ever asked someone out?:lol...i guess..;p ;p
Have you ever been asked out by someone?:haha..yess..;p ;p
Have you ever been to the ocean?: erm..to the sea and beach..not oceans..
Have you ever painted your nails? : yup, i have!

THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside? : what, you think i carry a thermometer with me all the time? ..;p
What radio station do you listen to? : FLY, MIX, RED
What was the last restaurant you ate at?: Ben's in pavilllion..;)
What was the last thing you bought?:erm.. chicken rice for lunch! hehe
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: erm..myself! ..XD

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out? : i didn't know what else to do..hehe
Ever cried yourself to sleep?:....it has medicational treatment k..;p
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder? : yeaaapp sighhh
Ever cried over the opposite sex?:hahahaha.. i hate to admit.. but yeah..
Do you cry when you get an injury? :I try not to.. gee i cry a lot! ..grrr

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person? :I try to be..
What can make you happy? : God, family, friends, movies, swings, musics, blogging...;)
Do you wish you were happier? : Yes..
Can music make you happy? : yeappp...

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken? : oh you don't wanna know! ..lost count ady! ..;p ;p
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them? : well i would have..but they missed it! ..hehe

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: black.like charcoal black! ..;p ;p
Current piercings?:ears...
Have any tattoos?:..nope, would love to get one though..lol
Eye color?: errr..dark brown, close to black..;)

IN A GIRL/GUY
Favorite eye color: hmm..doesn't really matter, as long as it has that magnetic effect! ..hehehe
Short or long hair: Short...erm..
Height: Taller than me..XD
Best clothing: errr..if you really want me to answer, its black suit, tux, tie..lol.. but it doesnt really matter i guess..;p

HAVE YOU EVER.
Been to jail:..nope..
Mooned someone: lol...err no..
Thrown up in a store:errmm.. almost..;p
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today : like A LOT!!

THIS OR THAT.
Pepsi or Coke: Coke...
McDonald's or Burger King: McD..
Single or Group Dates: errr..ok tough one.. but i should go with.. single dates..more romantic..;p ;p
Chocolate or Vanilla: if you combine both..they taste better!! ..;p
Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries!! ..hehe
Meat or Veggies: MEAT!! !
TV or Movie: Movie!!
Guitar or Drums?:ohh crapp.. hmmm both!! surely both.. sigh.. maybe guitar slightly higher..lol
Adidas or Nike: Nike!!
Chinese or Mexican: mexican baby! ..see the name?? ..;p ;p
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: Corn Flakes...;)
Pie or Cake: both!...lol its food man, how can you resist?..;p

hehehe..yes lifeless..;p ;p

But before I leave..
"I guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.." ok thats pure bullshit k! ..lol.. who in the world likes to get hurt?? hehehe

one more..
"And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind.. for me it happens all the time!" ...hhehhe..ok this is true..

Ok last one, i promise!
"Cause its you and me..and all other people..and I don't know why.. i can't keep my eyes off you.."

Have a nice day then!

She needs a break

2011-04-14T23:46:00.000+08:00

Ok, this is probably gonna be my last post ..why?? lol, cause I wont having my connection for the next one month!! =(

And yes I lost my blogging mood again.. dont ask why.. I never bothered finding the answer too.;p

Anyway..

Have a great day people! ..yes such a lame post I know.. but i cant do anything..;( My inspiration is gone.. yes literally gone.. I cant go after it.. I'm not allowed to anyway.. err ok, i'm crapping something..

Its just that aaiikkss.. nevermind

Truth is..

I want a hug. But not just a normal hug.. No!! I want one of those.. pick-me-up-off-my-feet..squeez-me-tight..spin-me-around..hurts-my-tummy..but-still-makes-me-smile..leaves-me-breathless..gives-me-butterflies..makes-me-giglge-stupidly-all-day-long..kinda hug!! ;p ;p

Ok that's from tumblr.. yes, daymm cute right??? ..hehehe.. i know i know! ..so you got me.. give me my hug, some chocolates, and we have deal! ..;p;p

err..yes im crapping again..

Gosh, I need a break from life..;p

To Sukbir

2011-04-12T23:41:00.002+08:00

And so I spoke about losing someone dear to me..

But it sure hell feels almost the same, when you hear your friends dad passed away..;(

Yes, my dear friend Sukhbir's dad passed away today. When I received that message from Sam, I teared.. I teared because I couldn't believe it, because I remember him talking about his dad just the day before.. and because today he patted my head, like I was a puppy, and like a big brother he told me, "I wish I had a sister like you.." ;(

Sigh.. weird, we never know why does these things happen.. but we do know that there is always a reason.. whether you believe or not, there is always a reason.. and yes, we're never alone in this.. have never been alone.. will never be alone! God is always on our side! ..=)

Dear Sukhbir,
You're a great guy, a good friend..definitely the perfect brother.. Yes not all things go according to plan..but that is where your strength lies.. Your dad, must have been very proud of you, and he wants to see you go further in life..He wants you to be someone, and face life, just like he did! It is never easy, but that is what life is about.. to take courage and finish the race, no matter how strong the storm is or how high the mountain is.... Be strong! We are here for you!

Hugssss

A fragile heart

2011-04-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! One done, two more to go!!! ..can she do it??? ..she has too!! .she walked 22m above ground on a thin rope for 3 hours! ..oh yes anything is possible! ..lol

Ok, I'm sorry I'm so hyped-up today..adrenaline rush I guess, after all the brain excercising! hehehhe..

But then this song keep on running on my mind all day.. hmm

A fragile heart was broken before

I don't think it could endure another pain

But there's a voice from deep inside of you

That's calling out to make you realize

.....

And if I could, choose the world around me..

The world I'd choose would all revolve around you..

So help me complete the game inside me..

And help to mend my fragile heart..

Hmm.. weird, but well till tomorrow!

Nitez!

She's not in her right mind..;(

2011-04-09T23:38:00.001+08:00

Hello,

Yes I would love to greet you with something else other than "hello"...but I'm not really in a good mood..;(

My granpa is throwing up everything he eats.. he does not have strength to walk hence he had a fall and got his nose bleeding.. My grandma couldn't get him to go to the car, so they had to call the ambulance..;((..He's alright now..but well, I've never really lost anyone that close to me.. I've never knew how it felt.. I've never even thought about it.. and I'm not planning too..anytime soon..

But I've been thinking, should I go back to Johore this April?? ..hmm..

And can someone please, inspire me to study? I mean yes the book is in front, opened at the right page.. but I can't get myself to read it.. I've already drew a flower,2 suns and a cloud on my slides.. I always loved drawing the sun.. Somehow it makes everything happy and bright.;). It getS a lot more exciting when you draw a smiley on the sun..;) The flower looked like a hexagon, so I decided not to continue with it.. I also drew this square grid.. then I coloured it like a chess board.. perhaps its to say, that life can't be all white..or all black.. it has to be black and white.. then its beautiful.. both ups and downs, happiness and sadness.. for without the sun or rain..there cant be a rainbow....;p

Oh myyy.. something is wrong with me right?? sigghh..but I can't help it..;((

And on top of that... sighhh.. it got hit again.. grrr.. it damm well broke all logic, it damm well broke every wall ever built...

What?? lol.. don't ask me.. I just gave you an explanation about my drawing..and when that happens.. boy, you better not believe what ever I say.. I'm not in my right mind..;p ;p

"Don't ask why.. let's just feel what we feel.. cause sometimes, its the secret.. that keeps it alive.. "

The story about the cockroach

2011-04-08T00:20:00.000+08:00

Ok the previous post was just to inform.. and now its time to blog..;)

and gosh whats with tumblr.. suddenly, titanic, the notebook and p/s I love you, is on the roll! ..lol.. weird..

Anyway, I was studying marketing a while ago..when this huge, I repeat H.U.G.E hiddeous looking cockroach..appeared right at my side.. and yes, I screamed.. and screamed.. till my dad came running with a newspaper on his hands to hit it! ..my dad, my hero!! ..=)) ..

but seriously, I realized I'm almost 21 and please please tell me some of you still do scream your lungs out when you see cockroaches!!! ..;((( ...I mean come on, its a natural instinct!! ...its so eeehhwww-ish..so gross ok with that long moustache, and legs!!! ..and if its flyingg.. I tell you its war! ..lol.. how can you not scream..??;p ;p

And yes I do realize, that someday my dad is not going to be there when I scream.. He's not gonna be able to save his "little" girl from the EVIL cockroach.. and you got to learn to stand on your feet, face your fears by yourself...;(

But I remember my memorable day while I was staying in Sunway.. when this cockroach appeared while I was showering.. I obviously can't call my dad to come all the way from Kajang to kill it.. neither can I scream and ask help from my housemate who happens to be this cute russian dude..when I'm halfway shampoo-ing.. my hair.. I assure you, I could have died out of embarrassement.. lol.. but yes, I gathered all the courage I had and killed it with a broom! ..and when it was dead, gosh I was sooo daymm proud of myself..weeeeeee!! I called my mom and told her..;) lol..don't you think we ought to celebrate this joyous occasion? ..hehehe ;p ;p

But then when you're back home.. the fact that your dad will come running for your rescue.. and will always be there for you.. the fear of the cockroach crawls in back.. you take things for granted.. you refuse to stand on your own feet and face the gross little bug!!

So I finally grasped the meaning.. of why is it we loose our dear ones.. why do they leave this earth.. why do they leave us alone! .. Because we learn.. we learn to be independent, to be confident, to be stronger.. to face your fears..;) We learn that nothing is forever.. changes will happen.. that doesn't mean the race is over.. you just have to prepared for the next battle..;)))

So will I kill the next cockroach I see??! ..lol... I doubt.. not as long as my sister is with me.. she influence me alrite.. and yes, believe it or not she's an even scarier-pot than I am.. and shhhhh please don;t tell her I told you! ;p ;p ;p

And ohh, bella's lullaby/River's flow in you is breathtaking.. it can really put you to sleep..;)

Have a great day peeps!